The Right Kind of Crazy

Dear September,

            This is the one where I tell you that it’s okay to be crazy… Enjoy!           

An author called R.M. Drake once said…

“Love yourself… Then love other people

Trust yourself… Then trust other people

Be kind to yourself…

Be good to yourself”

            I think this quote is relevant and real and meaningful. I think this is a bold statement and a courageous way to start a necessary conversation. Drake dares to tell his audience to be self-confident and trust their own journey. I think this is particularly courageous because we live in a society that claims to embrace individuality and innovation and creativity. However, when a person does something in a way that is new or unconventional, society is quick to criticize and use words like “weird” or “quirky”. This is until they become successful, after which they become the best thing since sliced bread.

We are a society that neglects the process. We are a purely results-driven people. This is a crying shame because the process is the most important part. It is during the process that you have an actual chance to discover who you are as an individual. The process also allows you to have an honest and raw and true appreciation for the results. Success is sweetest after you have tasted failure.

            I think this quote assures us that “normal”, whatever that is, is very much overrated and “weird” and “quirky” is good. This quote encourages us to create our own version of “normal”. It persuades us to put ourselves first and realise that we are the captains of our own ships. It reminds us that there is no box and the only limits are the ones you create. In other words, you can literally do whatever the hell you want.

            Giving another person the power to determine your next move or the next course of your journey would be doing a huge disservice to you as a person. D.M. Dellinger once said “You are unrepeatable… there is a magic about you that is all your own”. Looking to others for validation and appreciation implies that you do not believe you are a capable human being. It ignores the magic you possess, the very one that Dellinger speaks of in this quote. When you constantly look for approval and acceptance and validation from other people, they become entitled and begin to think they have the right to an opinion on every decision you make. What’s worse is that you can’t blame them because you have given them that power.

            Success and true happiness require selfishness. The ones who survive and thrive in society today are the ones who realize early enough that selfishness is perfectly fine and sometimes, necessary. I do not think this is to say that you should only do what’s best for you. On the contrary, I think this is to say that when a situation arises in which you choose yourself, it is perfectly fine. You shouldn’t be made to feel guilty or feel like you need to explain your self, because sweetheart, you don’t. What’s weird and ironic is, putting yourself first can sometimes feel like a sacrifice, but it is absolutely necessary.

            I think the need for validation and immediate recognition is triggered almost solely by; social media. The inception of social media has caused an identity crisis and a shift in our core values. If I tweet someone and they do not reply me in two minutes, they are rude and inconsiderate. Or if I post a picture on Instagram, I begin to question my “coolness” when it only gets 5 likes in 2 hours. People have lost sight of what is truly important. People are living their lives for other people and slowing forgetting what makes them who they are.

I mean sure we are human, and validation from society is nice, but it should be the icing not the cake. Social media should be light-hearted and fun not a platform for interrogation. If you feel like you need to be someone else other exactly who you are on social media, take a break and re-assess. Also, remember social media is not an accurate reflection of someone’s life. It is a condensed, edited, filtered, pre-meditated, minute part of their life. So, you see… comparing your real life to a person’s Instagram is stupid, not to mention, a colossal waste of your time and energy.

            Technology has given people easy access to other people’s lives,, to where they now think they have the right to have an opinion on everything and everyone. People should focus and invest all the time they have into making their own lives better. It is time for people to take risks. TRY. DO. GO FOR IT. The worst thing that can happen is failure and even that is not so bad. Failure is only bad when it leads to fear or it leads you to doubt the magic you possess. Fear is only bad if you let it fester because when it festers, it cripples.

Trust your dopeness, stay in your own lane, believe that you have or you can get everything you need to live a life you are content with. Do not take advice from any Tom, Dick and Harry that offers it. Do not be idle, be focused and take advantage of every opportunity you get. Hold yourself to a high standard, push yourself, never settle for less than you know you can achieve. Look for new ways to motivate yourself, never give excuses and take pride in and responsibility for the work that you do. If you work to ensure that today, you are at least better than you were yesterday, and closer to where you want to be, you will not need motivation or validation from anybody else. THIS IS NOT ARROGANCE, IT IS SELF-CONFIDENCE and it is an extremely necessary and attractive quality.

            Here are a few tips that I am confident will be helpful…

Read - Like, know your shit!… There is just no way around this. Do as much research as you can. It does not inhibit your creativity to study the way other people have done what you want to do. At the very least, it prevents you from making the same mistakes. Plus, everyone is free to interpret things the way they will and make things their own; but there are fundamental principles that guide every phenomenon. It is important to remember that we live in a ruthless, unforgiving society so there are a thousand people waiting for your plan to fall flat on its face. This is not for you to feel an unnecessary level of pressure to impress people; if anything I think it is a push to strive for excellence. You owe yourself that much.

Have a plan – Have a flexible plan, but a plan nonetheless. Having a plan is like having a sketch, an outline. A plan allows you to focus on something, it allows you to aspire to something. A plan helps you to quickly identify when a person’s input is not in line with your vision, as opposed to realizing later and having to start all over. A plan saves time and effort. A plan establishes a means of measuring success. A plan ensures that you are doing something everyday to guarantee that your overall goal is achieved. Having a plan helps anticipate problems and possible solutions for them. Having a plan ensures that you learn from your mistakes and move on. Effective plans are simple and easy enough to articulate. Effective plans also have timelines, so there is no time for self-pity or licking wounds. Plans foster resilience, an incredible and invaluable quality.

I think it would be stupid and naïve to think that you achieve success by yourself but I also think that part of the story is talked about enough. We are all constantly reminded of the importance of building a network around us, of people who are able and like-minded. The network of people I speak of is not one in which you leach and parasite. It is one that allows your individual potential and determination to be noticed by the right people. But this network can only be helpful when you are able harness your potential and be determined to be the best version of yourself you can be. A place you can only get to if you are willing to make yourself a priority and really focus on discovering who you are, what your passion is and what truly makes you happy. Remember, it’s the people who are crazy enough to dream and believe that the magic they possess as individuals is enough, that are able to make these dreams come true…

THE END

WAKE, PLAN, DO, REPEAT...

Dear September,

            This is the one where I tell you how to be a badass….    

I think too many times, we get comfortable with doing the bare minimum to ensure that we aren’t failing, which gives us enough time to meddle and do the things that don’t add any sort of value to our existence.

As you can see in the picture, this girl is a ballerina. She is aware of the commitment that being an exceptional ballerina requires. So even though she is taking a coffee break, she is not really taking a break because she is still on her tip-toes. She knows that to be a badass, she cannot really afford to take a break. This is a quality that not many possess and a realization  that not many people come to.

            Recently, popular Nigerian singer Tiwa Savage was at the forefront of a huge scandal. Her husband tried to kill himself and everyone had something to say about it. This was just a reminder that we live in a society and a time where people are so distracted by social media and gossip that they have totally neglected their own lives.  If people were truly focused on their own lives, they would have no time to spend deliberating and dissecting other people’s problems.

Vincent Van Gogh once said “Great things are done by a series of small things brought together”. I think this quote is important and extremely relevant, because it addresses the huge misconception that doing great things require making these huge moves that the majority of people do not feel like they have the resources to make. We tend to forget that baby steps still move you forward. So, often people use this an excuse to become victims, they sit pretty in the little cocoons of comfort they have created for themselves and ignore reality because it is easier.

Another reason why people do not take charge of their own lives and make meaningful changes is because everyone leaves it to the next person. It comes back to people thinking that the problems in society are too big for them to take head-on, which they are. However, people fail to recognize that if every person folds their arms and puts it on the next person, nothing happens. But if every person makes the little changes and takes steps to become better, the whole world will become a better place to live in. No one sees themselves, as special enough to be the first one, so the change that we so desperately seek, slips further and further away.

This period of history has to be recorded as the time where ‘”peer pressure” was as its peak. People too many times, look to other people for validation and acceptance, so they shy away from doing things that society would consider “strange” and “different” and “weird” and “quirky”. This is a crying shame because if we looked a little closer, we would see that all the magic and the badass-ness is in the “weird” and the “quirky” and "strange" and "different".

WAKE

            Wake up every morning knowing that Beyoncé has the same number of hours as you do in the day. To “wake” means to emerge or cause to emerge from a state of sleep. The word “sleep” connotes a state of being unaware of one’s surroundings. A state one who wants to be a badass, cannot afford to be in. Being a badass, require you to be two steps ahead at all times. Being aware and awake helps one to carry out the plan for the day seamlessly.

PLAN

            There is a popular saying “Those who fail to plan, plan to fail”, in other words, making no plan at all is also a plan. Do not make goals at the beginning of the year and forget about them. Make goals at the beginning of the year and break them down into smaller goals. This will help you do something every day to ensure that by the end of the year you have accomplished everything you set out to. I think that goals are dreams that have been written down. Now, I am aware that often life gets in the way and things do not go the way we plan. Life isn’t perfect and it is important to be aware of this. However, I do think having a plan ensures that you have a mental picture of where you want to be, which is extremely important. Besides, it’s your life, it’s your call, so you can always make changes to the goals you have written down.

DO

This is the one that I find the most difficult to do, because I often procrastinate and do things at the last minute. One of my goals for the year is to break this habit. I think that a really important part of making sure that you are getting things done is to give yourself “realistic” goals. In the sense that, the goals you set should not be ridiculous and too far from what you would do ordinarily. This is because, it may feel good to do them for the first couple of days but they would not sustainable. It is important to keep in mind that once you stop, it would be very difficult to regain a rhythm and get back into the swing of things. Also, it is important to keep the goals realistic because the less things you commit to, the more effort and time you can put into each one.
REPEAT

            This is the most important part. This is why it is so important to set daily goals that are “realistic”. It is good to be able to keep up an incredibly intense schedule for a few days, but to become successful you need to be able to keep up the rhythm long-term. This is why you have to do what you have a passion for and what truly makes you happy. The "repeat" clause is all about consistency and persistency.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “consistency” as a steadfast adherence to the same principles, course and form. Basically, this means being physically and mentally committed to the goals you set for yourself. Find someone or a couple of people who have accomplished what you hope to and adapt the common principles you find, to your own journey. Consistency is putting the same amount and quality of effort every single day. Consistency is being willing to put in the work every single day, no exceptions. Consistency is being just as prepared as you are on your best day, on your worst day.

“Persistence” is the quality of being persistent.. I know, bloody incredible definition there. Ok, really... It can be defined as continuing steadfastly or firmly in some state, purpose, course of action, or the like, especially in spite of opposition and remonstrance. On the path of success, there will be many different obstacles and stumbling blocks and that's a given. But I’ve also learned that often the biggest obstacle is often “you”. Yeah, I said “you”, when obstacles and adversity set in, there is likely to be self-doubt and living in a society where being different is different, well… it just adds fuel to the fire. So this is why having this quality is so important. Look at your own journey for inspiration, look at where you were in the past and where you are now. It is real life indication and guage for where you can be in the future if you keep going. “Persistence” is never giving excuses and never taking “no” for an answer. Persistency is being patient, and this important because it often takes a while to convince yourself that your dreams are valid and they can come true. Persistence is all about perspective, you can see obstacles as an indication that your dreams are impossible or you can see them as learning experiences. An obstacle is never a dead end, there are infinite ways to accomplish any given task but one cannot be forced to see things this way, one has to learn.

So, my dear September, it is very easy to be an “average bitch” and take the easy way out, but being a badass is a choice and a full-time job.  Unless, you are willing to make the sacrifice, you will always be a follower and second-tier title. Ok, I think I’m done rambling but hopefully you found this helpful.