Susan Sarandon once said “When you start to develop your powers of empathy and imagination, the whole world opens up to you.” She said this in an interview where she explained that she continues to make it a point for her children to give back. She continued by highlighting the joy that accompanies giving of yourself as opposed to the usual self-congratulatory “i’m such a good person” type of joy, you know that type of joy that so many white people are used to? You know you're white when your daily life and your daily experiences, don't require you to give off yourself. But the first thing I learned from the quote is that empathy is not natural for anybody and using your imagination isn’t automatic, they are both qualities and character traits you have to work towards and it all sounded a little too familiar. You see, about a month ago I decided that I was too emotional for my own good, so naturally, I came up with a solution. I decided that whenever someone said or did something to me that I found hurtful or offensive, instead of bottling up all my emotions and staying silent, I would put myself in their shoes. And in the beginning, it made me feel great, it made me feel like an adult, like a super mature version of myself, like the bigger person.
However, as time went on, what felt like bliss and unicorns and rainbows began to make me feel more bitter and resentful than ever. It became exhausting and soon enough, I began to put everyone else’s emotions and feelings before my own. I stopped speaking my mind altogether, and that is not okay. It is especially not okay because empathy hardly ever equates to silence, and empathy is definitely not the opposite of speaking your mind. Sometimes the best thing for you is not the best thing for someone else and it would be a shame to put someone before yourself, especially someone who probably will not do the same for you. I mean your actions shouldn’t be motivated by the prospect of reciprocation but a wise man once said “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” It is no use continuously putting yourself on the line for someone or people who have shown you over and over again that you are not really a priority to them.
However, as time went on, what felt like bliss and unicorns and rainbows began to make me feel more bitter and resentful than ever. It became exhausting and soon enough, I began to put everyone else’s emotions and feelings before my own. I stopped speaking my mind altogether, and that is not okay. It is especially not okay because empathy hardly ever equates to silence, and empathy is definitely not the opposite of speaking your mind. Sometimes the best thing for you is not the best thing for someone else and it would be a shame to put someone before yourself, especially someone who probably will not do the same for you. I mean your actions shouldn’t be motivated by the prospect of reciprocation but a wise man once said “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” It is no use continuously putting yourself on the line for someone or people who have shown you over and over again that you are not really a priority to them.
I recently got into an argument with a guy on Instagram (which if you know me, you know that this is so out of character, but it was necessary), a guy who wasn’t willing to show any empathy, so he sure as hell did NOT deserve any. As this month is Black History Month, I feel it is necessary to use my platform to share my own personal experiences with racism and racial prejudice. Ok, the story.
So remember that story that went around a couple of week ago? about WHITE Russian designer, Ulyana Sergeenko, who sent a note to WHITE Russian fashion vlogger, Miroslava Duma, that read “To my ni***s in Paris.” By the next day, the internet had obviously gone to shit and OF COURSE, Ulyana Sergeenko had released the usual backhanded apology, talking about “she is sorry to whoever she offended” and “she is not racist” and “she didn’t mean any harm” and “she doesn’t know why the blogger would share a personal note on social media” and “she loves Kanye West and wanted to pretend she is cool enough to speak like him.” The last statement was the one that really infuriated me because WHITE people have become even better at idealizing racism and making it seem like a compliment and an advantage. WHITE people have become experts at biting and blowing, so they hurt us and humiliate us but someone gives a good speech about how our struggles are their struggles and everyone is oppressed in some way, shape or form, so we are all in this together and we are expected to forget about it. So naturally, I tagged my little sister to the apology letter on Instagram and expressed utter disdain for white, ignorant people who do stupid shit and then come back to push the whole “pity me” narrative at the end.
All of a sudden my phone started going crazy and so, I picked it up only to become even more infuriated because it was none other than another ridiculous, sheltered, unaware white person who questioned me and had to understand why I am not bothered by Kanye West using the word “ni**a” in his songs. Oh… and that’s not all, he suggested that if Back people were so offended by the word, then THEY should stop using it as well. You see, there is something to be said about context? With racism, with empathy, with everything, really. So naturally, I reminded him that Kanye West is a BLACK man and that is about one of the two and a half freedoms that BLACK people have. However, when used by a non-BLACK person, that word is not acceptable in any way shape or form, it is offensive and derogatory and extremely disrespectful. Honestly, I don’t see how or why it would come in conversation between two white people. Of course, he disagreed with me and proceeded to argue that following my logic, German people should be allowed to scream “hail Hilter!”in the street. Note how, we are back to the oppression olympics, because one BLACK person has expressed discomfort with the oppression and disrespect. Notice how he argues that based on the oppression of BLACK people, WHITE people should be allowed to do even more disgusting and inhumane things. Because God forbid, a BLACK person expresses themselves and exercises what little freedom they have. Because WHITE people feel so threatened by BLACK people that the thought of being called out and made to think about their actions is so scary that they find any way to shut the BLACK person up. Because a BLACK person calling a WHITE person out on their ignorant, racist actions is the equivalent of supporting one of the most dangerous and notorious leaders the world has ever known. It was at this point that I knew there was no helping him but I replied because the alternative would indicate defeat and some sort of consensus. So I replied and said “that is ABSOLUTELY NOT following my logic, but him disagreeing with me, sure as hell doesn’t make him right and the fact that he, a NON-BLACK person, feels once again, that they know what should and shouldn’t offend BLACK people is enough to end the entire conversation. He continued to talk directly to me and continued to push the “pity him, pity them” narrative, because they meant no harm, pity EVERYONE else but the BLACK people, the people who were actually offended, but I didn’t reply because I was done.
He went on to mock me and ask me stupid questions like “how do I know he isn’t BLACK?” because you know? racism is hilarious. I didn’t reply because I began to see how much, or pardon me, how little an issue as serious as racial prejudice meant to him. And I could finally empathize, because how can you take something you have never, EVER had to think about seriously, because privilege is blind and brainwashing. Because what is the use trying to see reason with a person who is so out of touch with reality that he sides with and defends blatantly racist people? Because he isn’t helping but he isn’t the entire problem, the whole system is FUCKED. We are still slaves. If we weren’t slaves, the parents of a BLACK young man would never allow their son to model a hoodie with the words “Coolest monkey in the jungle” slapped across the front. We have been so oppressed and so brainwashed into thinking that we are all equal and everyone wants the best for us that we can no longer tell when we have become puppets, that WHITE people can so easily pit against each other. So as a BLACK person, I am angry and insulted and sad but I’m mostly exhausted. I am no longer going to make excuses for people, BLACK or WHITE. I am going to empathize ONLY when I feel as though people put thought into their actions and their actions are not ill-intentioned, otherwise… don’t count on it. I am in no way knocking the importance and the value of seeing things from other people’s perspectives but you shouldn’t spend so much time in other people’s shoes that yours no longer fit. Because in reality, many times people are not handing you half the respect you are so easily and naturally giving them. I mean why should you give someone the benefit of the doubt? There is no place in life where the BENEFIT comes before the ACTION, not even in the dictionary, so take a hint. If people have consistently acted only in their best interest, you should do that too. If you don’t know them and there’s no action to go off of, I am not going to ask you to be defensive because that breeds unnecessary hate but I am also not going to ask you to assume that anyone is a saint. I think the best thing to do is just trust your gut and follow your instincts because they are almost never wrong.
So remember that story that went around a couple of week ago? about WHITE Russian designer, Ulyana Sergeenko, who sent a note to WHITE Russian fashion vlogger, Miroslava Duma, that read “To my ni***s in Paris.” By the next day, the internet had obviously gone to shit and OF COURSE, Ulyana Sergeenko had released the usual backhanded apology, talking about “she is sorry to whoever she offended” and “she is not racist” and “she didn’t mean any harm” and “she doesn’t know why the blogger would share a personal note on social media” and “she loves Kanye West and wanted to pretend she is cool enough to speak like him.” The last statement was the one that really infuriated me because WHITE people have become even better at idealizing racism and making it seem like a compliment and an advantage. WHITE people have become experts at biting and blowing, so they hurt us and humiliate us but someone gives a good speech about how our struggles are their struggles and everyone is oppressed in some way, shape or form, so we are all in this together and we are expected to forget about it. So naturally, I tagged my little sister to the apology letter on Instagram and expressed utter disdain for white, ignorant people who do stupid shit and then come back to push the whole “pity me” narrative at the end.
All of a sudden my phone started going crazy and so, I picked it up only to become even more infuriated because it was none other than another ridiculous, sheltered, unaware white person who questioned me and had to understand why I am not bothered by Kanye West using the word “ni**a” in his songs. Oh… and that’s not all, he suggested that if Back people were so offended by the word, then THEY should stop using it as well. You see, there is something to be said about context? With racism, with empathy, with everything, really. So naturally, I reminded him that Kanye West is a BLACK man and that is about one of the two and a half freedoms that BLACK people have. However, when used by a non-BLACK person, that word is not acceptable in any way shape or form, it is offensive and derogatory and extremely disrespectful. Honestly, I don’t see how or why it would come in conversation between two white people. Of course, he disagreed with me and proceeded to argue that following my logic, German people should be allowed to scream “hail Hilter!”in the street. Note how, we are back to the oppression olympics, because one BLACK person has expressed discomfort with the oppression and disrespect. Notice how he argues that based on the oppression of BLACK people, WHITE people should be allowed to do even more disgusting and inhumane things. Because God forbid, a BLACK person expresses themselves and exercises what little freedom they have. Because WHITE people feel so threatened by BLACK people that the thought of being called out and made to think about their actions is so scary that they find any way to shut the BLACK person up. Because a BLACK person calling a WHITE person out on their ignorant, racist actions is the equivalent of supporting one of the most dangerous and notorious leaders the world has ever known. It was at this point that I knew there was no helping him but I replied because the alternative would indicate defeat and some sort of consensus. So I replied and said “that is ABSOLUTELY NOT following my logic, but him disagreeing with me, sure as hell doesn’t make him right and the fact that he, a NON-BLACK person, feels once again, that they know what should and shouldn’t offend BLACK people is enough to end the entire conversation. He continued to talk directly to me and continued to push the “pity him, pity them” narrative, because they meant no harm, pity EVERYONE else but the BLACK people, the people who were actually offended, but I didn’t reply because I was done.
He went on to mock me and ask me stupid questions like “how do I know he isn’t BLACK?” because you know? racism is hilarious. I didn’t reply because I began to see how much, or pardon me, how little an issue as serious as racial prejudice meant to him. And I could finally empathize, because how can you take something you have never, EVER had to think about seriously, because privilege is blind and brainwashing. Because what is the use trying to see reason with a person who is so out of touch with reality that he sides with and defends blatantly racist people? Because he isn’t helping but he isn’t the entire problem, the whole system is FUCKED. We are still slaves. If we weren’t slaves, the parents of a BLACK young man would never allow their son to model a hoodie with the words “Coolest monkey in the jungle” slapped across the front. We have been so oppressed and so brainwashed into thinking that we are all equal and everyone wants the best for us that we can no longer tell when we have become puppets, that WHITE people can so easily pit against each other. So as a BLACK person, I am angry and insulted and sad but I’m mostly exhausted. I am no longer going to make excuses for people, BLACK or WHITE. I am going to empathize ONLY when I feel as though people put thought into their actions and their actions are not ill-intentioned, otherwise… don’t count on it. I am in no way knocking the importance and the value of seeing things from other people’s perspectives but you shouldn’t spend so much time in other people’s shoes that yours no longer fit. Because in reality, many times people are not handing you half the respect you are so easily and naturally giving them. I mean why should you give someone the benefit of the doubt? There is no place in life where the BENEFIT comes before the ACTION, not even in the dictionary, so take a hint. If people have consistently acted only in their best interest, you should do that too. If you don’t know them and there’s no action to go off of, I am not going to ask you to be defensive because that breeds unnecessary hate but I am also not going to ask you to assume that anyone is a saint. I think the best thing to do is just trust your gut and follow your instincts because they are almost never wrong.
I'm still trying to understand what white privelege is. Where I am I see both black and white doing well and doing poorly. I truly wonder what it would be like to be a POC to really understand this whole debacle, but maybe in the next life. 🤔 What would it take to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything is "correct?" 🤔🤷♂️
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