Anaïs Nin once said “we do not see things the way they are, we see them as we are,” and I love this quote because it encompasses a fundamental difference between stress and anxiety. We as humans, are in the business of making certain situations out to be a thousand times worse than they really are. We do the best job of projecting our feelings to our situations and it really does not serve us. Having a particularly difficult day can make you feel stressed but you convincing yourself that one bad day means you have a bad life is anxiety. And when you let anxiety fester, it becomes fear, which is more permanent and difficult to deal with.
The first thing I want you to know about stress; is that it is the only one of the three that can be controlled. The Oxford Dictionary defines stress as “a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.” Thus, stress is the easiest to deal with because there is a trigger, something you can identify as the source, whether it is school or work or whatever. Knowing the cause or root of the problem is a good place to start in searching for a solution, no? In terms of dealing with stress, I would love to be the girl that suggests a bath, or a long walk and reassures you that everything will sort itself out and I mean if that works for you, then please do it. Unfortunately, I am too much of a realist, so I guess my advice to you would be to get a journal where you can make lists of everything you need to get done and timelines and such and pretty much just get them done. For me, I think school work and like, having twelve different things due in one week was a main source of stress for me. So yeah, there were many lists and calendar notifications and alarms on my phone.
Quick tip #1: I made it a point to take little breaks in betweens study sessions or as I ticked things off my list.
Quick tip #2: I did not go on social media during my breaks because if you have Instagram, you know what I mean when I say that a quick 10 minute break can easily turn into full-on hour-long stalking session.
Anxiety is quite difficult to deal with, because there cannot be a clear-cut way to deal with a situation that is yet to exist. The best you can do is deal with your feelings about the said situation, because make no mistake, those feelings are very real. In that way, I guess the first thing to do is to focus on what is actually real. Going through life is like learning to swim, it is best to start at the shallow end and make small steps in the direction you feel is right for you. It is true that swimming in the shallow end of the pool is no less difficult than swimming in the deep end but it feels safer when we remember that if we begin to drown, we can just stand up. With swimming, as you build your confidence you can move away from the walls and the shallow end towards the deep end. In the same way, in life, as you build your confidence and become more comfortable in your own skin, you become more comfortable with uncertainty and the unknown. The second thing to do when you begin to feel anxious is to think, speak and surround yourself with positivity. This is because, anxiety often cripples you and makes you feel helpless, thus controlling the energies around you is pretty much, the only way to take back some of that control. Besides, having good people around you who listen and relate and make you laugh, serves as a good distraction and it forces you to get out of your own head.
To be honest, I think the thing that gives me the most anxiety is my writing, mainly because it is the most important thing to me, so it can quite difficult to truly let go when I publish an article on my blog. I am at the point where I struggle with my content, in terms of deciding whether to tailor my articles fit into the mainstream fold of blogging or to stay true to myself. I know that it would be easier to develop an audience and more inspiration readily available around makeup and fashion and stereotypical “girly” topics but I agree with Rupi Kaur when she says “your art is not about how many people like your work, your art is about if your heart likes your work, if your soul likes your work, it is about how honest you are with yourself and you must never trade honesty for reliability.” I guess I just wish it was easier and a bit less lonely.
Fear is a little bit tricky because by definition, it fails to make a distinction between physical and emotional triggers. However, more times than not, fear manifests itself in the same way and it sets in as a direct result of anxiety that is left to fester. I think the first step to take when dealing with fear is realizing the domino effect and the negativity it attracts. Fear is just like a dark cloud that hovers over everything you do. Because fear is relentless and in most cases, it has brewed over a long period of time, there is no quick fix. Thus, it is important not to try and rush through the process. As you can probably tell, I write a lot, and I find the writing process quite cathartic, in that, it allows me to get rid of negative energy in a way that still allows me to recognize that it is real, which is the perfect set up.
One of my biggest fears is ending up less than euphoric. Bill Patterson once said “everyone seeks happiness, not me though, that’s the difference between between me and the rest of the world, happiness is not good enough for me, I demand euphoria” and I share his sentiment. In my mind, happiness is not an abstract concept because I know exactly what it means to me. I know that I want my parents and my sisters to find the kind of happiness I speak of. I know that I want to have friends that easily become family and family that I am friends with. I know that I want to build a community online where girls like me, feel a little less lonely and a little more spoken for. I know that I want a Sunday kind of love. I know I want to raise children who are kind and courageous enough to be exactly who they are. I know I want to have more blessings than prayer requests and I know that I want to feel God close to me. So, maybe seeing things the way they are is a little overrated, maybe it is good that we see things the way we are because even though we are human and emotional, if we put in the effort to make sure that stress does not turn to anxiety and anxiety never gets to fear, then I think flawed as we are, we will be alright.
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