The fault in our stars...

            For those of you who have seen the movie, this is not a review. I just recently saw the movie and it truly inspired me. If I am being totally honest, I actually first saw the movie a while ago, but I realize now, watching it again, that I did not have an honest appreciation for the story being told the first time around.

            For those of you who are yet to see the movie, in the briefest way possible, the movie is about a teenage girl; who is diagnosed with lung cancer very early on in her life. At the start of the movie, she is basically waiting to die, being sustained by a ventilator, which she is forced to carry around every single second of every single day. This to me is symbolic and indicative of not only the psychological but the physical burden being in her own skin brings. Pretty earlier on, she meets and falls in love with a boy who she meets as a cancer support group. In the beginning of their relationship, he is in remission after the amputation of his leg. Unfortunately, he eventually dies of a relapse that affects all his organs.  It sounds like a sad movie, which it was but not sad in the way you think. Watching the movie almost felt like a necessary sadness.

It explores a unique love story of two people who know exactly what the other is feeling, which is rare for any relationship. This story stands out in my mind because it does not sugar coat the situation in any way. It allows them to rely on each other and feel pain as a valid, raw and undiluted emotion. Their relationship allows them to feel sad and defeated at times, which I think is just as important as fighting back.

            Their story inspired me to write and encourage as many people as possible to not be shy or afraid to feel any emotion they feel. The worst thing a person can do is to hide what they are feeling in an attempt to make another person feel more comfortable. It is unfair for to feel like it is your responsibility to make another person feel better about your pain.

            The title; originally derived from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, is indicative of the fact that sometimes horrible things happen in life and no one is to blame. It just is. Sometimes, there is no silver lining, no light at the end of tunnel as far as you can see, and that’s ok. Sometimes, it is not so much our ability to find the rainbow that matters, as it is our ability to weather the storm.

            Sadness is a valid emotion and it demands to be felt. Jonathan Safran Foer once said “you cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness”. I think this quote speaks volumes because it is reflective of the fact a perfect world does not exist. It almost forces us as humans to persevere through the sadness and misery in hopes of finding the beauty in our imperfect world.

            I come from a culture that like many other cultures, quantifies sadness; a culture that turns sadness into a mechanical phenomenon. For example, when a woman loses her husband, she is expected to wear black and observe a set number of days of mourning. During this period, she is not allowed to leave her home or engage in any kind of social activity. It is almost as though society dictates to a woman how she should feel and how she should mourn the loss of her husband; which seems cruel and insensitive.

            I feel like I am in a good position to speak about sadness as an emotion because I have felt it in many different ways. That being said, in my opinion, when something devastating happens to a person, the literal worst thing you can say if you have not experienced the same exact thing is, “I know how you feel”. If you do not literally mean these words, it is borderline insulting to utter them. It is disrespectful because it belittles the gravity of the tragedy.

            In my twenty years, I have a lost a cousin (who was more like my little brother) who died when he was four years old and more recently, my grandfather, who was eighty-three years old. Naturally, you would think that my little cousin’s death would be more difficult to deal with, which it was, but not for the seemingly obvious reasons. They were and still are two entirely different kinds of pain and I still think about both of them everyday.

            In terms of time, there is not a limit to the number of days you can feel sad. It could be two months or two decades, sometimes it could last a lifetime. Never feel like you cannot feel sad because the event happened a while ago. The duration of your mourning period is your decision, do not let anyone take that away from you.

            Closure is a big word under such circumstances. Personally, I lost both my cousin and my grandpa while I was away in Canada and they both died at home in Nigeria. This invoked two very different emotions in me. No doubt it made it hurt a thousand times more, just because both times I felt, in addition to my sadness, a sense of disbelief and confusion. I felt and sometimes still feel very up in the air about it. Truthfully, not being in Nigeria also meant that I didn’t have to deal with my emotions as soon as I found out. It was a lot easier and more convenient to chuck my feelings away and avoid them as much as possible because I did not physically feel their absence in Canada. This is not an advisable way to deal with these types of situations, because it makes dealing with them eventually a lot worse. But recognize that there is also, no right way to deal with the emotions you do feel. The only thing you can do is what you feel is best for you at the time.

I guess what I am trying to say is, treat sadness with as much attention and respect as you do other emotions. Be accepting of it in its purest form. The fact that you choose to feel pain when horrible things happen, does not make you a pessimist or masochist, it makes you human. Remember, our world is not perfect, bad things happen to good people all the time. Choosing to be oblivious to this fact is not wise in any way, shape or form. There is and always would be a fault in our stars.

INSPIRATION

           Let me start by saying, there is no one who is inspired every single second of every single day, but this in no way affects its significance. That being said, there are so many ways to stay inspired and I am going to share my top seven from personal experience, friends, family and of course our old pal (let’s forget I used the word ‘pal’) Google.  

(1)  Take a long walk

          As humans, it is in our nature to only focus on the negative. However, a long walk offers… a long walk offers… almost sounds like a resort commercial. Ok, back to my point. Long walks are amazing, you get to be alone and hear yourself think. Because sometimes you need to listen to yourself to realize that you are being totally ridiculous. Besides you never know what you’ll see and be inspired by, it could be a person or a song out of someone’s car.

(2)  Give!

          There is something about experiencing the need of someone else that makes you see that you have a lot more than you think. Whether it is through a gofundme story or physically visiting an orphanage, it actually truly helps. Also, if you can afford to give your time on a more permanent basis, find a place that supports a cause you are passionate about and volunteer there. I started volunteering during my International Baccalaureate Diploma Program in Ghana, but at that time it was nothing more than a requirement. However after a few months, I began to truly enjoy it. So when I moved to Canada for university, I also started volunteering at the Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus Association of Ontario and it has been fulfilling.

(3)  Write the way you feel

Sometimes you just need to de-clutter (don’t know if that’s a word). Sometimes, you have so much on your mind and because of that, you literally cannot get anything done. Many times, people have so much worry and anxiety about things they cannot change, and that is a  total and absolute waste of time. Writing could be personal, like in a diary or a journal or it could be more accessible to others, like through a blog. If writing is not your thing, then make a video or talk to someone you are comfortable with, whatever you do, get it out! It truly helps!

(4)  Create a vision board AND a bucket list

            Let’s start by differentiating between a vision board and a bucket list. A vision board usually contains career or family related goals whereas a bucket list is more fun and adventurous. Thinking about or reminding yourself of where you want to be in the future or what you makes you the happiest; could be the kick you need. A vision board is important because it helps you see yourself in the future and it helps identify things that you can do to get to where you want to be. On the other hand, having a bucket list helps you keep a good balance and frankly, helps you discover the magic in life.

(5)  Music always helps…

            I am a HUGE lover of music, I love music, in all genres and styles. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS DOES NOT INVOLVE JAZZ. But really, music just has a way of relaxing the mind. My favourites are Beyoncé, Ellie Goulding, Trey Songz and Chris Brown for pop/R&B. Kendrick Lamar and Drake for hip-hop, McBusted for alternative rock, MAGIC! and Bob Marley for reggae. My African favourites are Wizkid, Asa, Sarkodie and Fuse ODG. Sorry I forgot to mention that Soca is really good too, no favourites there. Point is, it helps to find an artist or a couple of artists you like, compile a playlist and go into a little bubble. You may not feel inspired immediately but it de-stresses you (just making up words today) and that definitely makes a difference.

(6)  Surround yourself with cool people

           Right, this is literally so important. What I love about the word ‘cool’ is that everyone has a different definition and that’s okay. But really, it is so important to surround yourself with positive, inspirational people. Remember, the people you hang out with are a reflection of who you are. This is not to say that you should not have a laugh, this is just to say that you need a balance. Hang out with people who you can learn from, who introduce you to new things, people who are truthful and people you can be truthful with. As corny as it sounds, only hang out with people who want the best for you. Most times, inspiration does not come from a huge speech, it comes from the little things like banter with friends at lunch. Always keep an open-mind and allow your definition of ‘cool’ to evolve.

(7)  Look at old pictures

           Old pictures bring back many thoughts, memories and feelings, which as you know, are the start points of most brilliant ideas. For the most part, look at old pictures that show you in a good place, a place where you are happy. Some pictures are bittersweet, because although they may remind you of a sad moment, it could put things in perspective and urge you to do something you had not thought of doing and that's worth it, if you ask me. Also, most people look at old pictures with family, and such an environment can cause better communication and repair strained relationships, which definitely frees up one’s heart and mind to be inspired.

I hope this helps and you become truly inspired. In the words of one of my biggest inspirations, Tom Fletcher, “inspiration is the first step to doing something great”.

Sentences that will change your life... by Jaydip Kansara

Hi everyone,
I know I haven't blogged in a while... sorry...
I found this online and I hope it makes up for my absence
1. Never compare your weaknesses to other people's strengths.
2. Own your life, or someone will own it for you.
3.  We cannot change the cards we are dealt,just how we play the hand.
4. Climb mountains not so the world can see you but so you can see the world.
5. If you accept your limitation, you go beyond them.
6. Comfort is the enemy of achievement.
7. No matter anyone says to you,you don't have to eat dinner with them,
live with them or go to bed with them.
8. If you risk nothing, you risk everything.
9. Don't give others the power to control your emotion. Those are only yours and it is only for you to manipulate.
10. Victory introduces you to the world, but defeat introduces the world to you.
11. If you don't do stupid things while you are young,you will have nothing to smile about when you are old.
12. Don't waste your time with explanation,people only hear what they want to hear.
13. Don't rest after your first victory,because if you fail the second time,more lips will be waiting to say that your first victory was just luck.
14. Everyone thinks of changing the world,but no one thinks of changing themselves.
15. The person that you will spend most time with in your life is yourself, so better try to make yourself as interesting as possible.

Everyone needs a slice of CAKE...

I have only lived for twenty years, so I am definitely not the wisest. I just say what I think and suggest ways that I have learned or in most cases, still learning how to make being alive easier to deal with… Whew! Now that that’s out of the way, here goes nothing…

The day a person feels like they know everything and they have it all figured out; is the day, one is alive but ceases to live. A life without constant evolution and growth is not a life worth living; ok, I admit that was a little deep…but you get the point!

In my opinion, every person should aim to do the best they can with what they have. I believe one should use what they have to get what they want. At this juncture, it is important to note that envy could be a catalyst for growth in such moments but it could also be a seed of unhappiness and discontent. This is what I mean. Let’s take two young girls for example; they both go to the same university, one is extremely rich and can afford the tuition, the other is attending the university on scholarship. Naturally, the latter is obviously going to be envious of the former, it’s only human nature. This initial feeling is totally harmless because it could motivate the “poor” girl to work harder and want more for herself. However, it could also be extremely venomous if the “poor” girl uses the “rich” girl as a standard to aspire to. This is because the “rich” girl is going to keep on climbing up the status ladder without toil but the “poor” girl is going to struggle and keep aiming for a height, she will probably never reach. It is a waste of time to compare yourself with other people or try to be like other people because the best you will be, is a counterfeit version of another person. The fact that you are who you are is a blessing; embrace it!

Ok, C.A.K.E! Everyone needs a slice of C.A.K.E to survive and eventually thrive in this world. Both figuratively and literally… In the literal sense, I suggest you have a slice of black forest or red velvet and cream cheese(I literally smiled just thinking about it). But more importantly, the comprehension of the figurative significance of this pastry is imperative. C.A.K.E could also stand for craziness, adventure, kindness and enthusiasm.

Craziness is often portrayed in a negative light, but I think that everyone needs a little bit of crazy to survive. According to history, the most influential and successful people, the inventors and innovators, all seem to possess this quality. For example, Albert Einstein was the one of, if not the greatest scientist and innovator of all time and he was a straight wacko. You do not need to know much about him to know that, his physical appearance is enough proof. He was never afraid to be different or not have the same opinion as everyone else. He did not aim to be popular; he aimed to succeed. Get used to it! When you do something different or unexpected, you would be tagged ‘crazy’ but it’s ok because crazy works!

Most times when a person is called crazy, it is out of pure envy, jealousy and spite. People hide themselves under the pretences that the person who is going out and taking risks and living their dreams is crazy. This is a very convenient coping mechanism, it is comforting to such people and it makes them more comfortable in their mediocrity, when they tag someone else crazy, it gives them a justified reason to remain in their comfort zone and feel justified.

No pun intended but when Justin Timberlake decided to break out of his group Nsync as a solo artist, he was at the peak of his career so naturally everyone around him had an opinion (pun being the fact that Justin Timberlake’s first solo album was called ‘justified’). He was called crazy but the success he attained at what everyone else thought to be the height of his career, is only a fraction of the success he has attained as a solo artist. Some changes may be drastic but they are necessary.

Over the years, hip-hop has being profiled as a movement for people with darker skin. However music is constantly evolving and there is a constant overflow of different genres to creating a melting pot. At the 2014 Grammys, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (two white guys) won the awards for best new artist, best rap song, best rap album and best rap performance, all the awards a hip-hop artist can be nominated for at the grammys . If they had not risked the very plausible chance that the hip hop industry would not be accepting towards them and just went in, they would have missed out on the chance of a lifetime.  Also, Iggy Azalea (although she isn’t my favourite) is another example, she is a white, might I add Australian, female rapper so she is already constrained by two and a half huge barriers but she did not let logic get in her way and now she has gone on to win numerous prestigious awards. Granted, it takes a lot more than craziness to succeed but it goes a long way.

A stands for Adventure; a good sense of adventure is equally as important. In the words of my hero, Pharrell Williams “the same is lame”. Doing the same thing over and over again because you know what the result will be is a waste of your God-given talent, wisdom, creativity and knowledge. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity. A life void of risks is not worth living. A baby is at the most risky and the least risky stage in life because it is totally powerless and helpless when it comes to what happens to it. It’s parents decide what happens to it, what it eats, where it sleeps, how it sleeps, when it bathes, literally every single thing. But with an increase in age comes an increase in maturity and responsibility. Taking risk and being adventurous is what makes learning and growing and evolving in life not such a scary process because one reclaims most of the control over their lives. People say curiosity kills the cat, but the cats of the world are always leaders and people worthy of respect. The rats of this world tread carefully, only to be devoured by the cats. A person who dies from being courageous is more honourable than a coward that is alive. Trying new things is an essential part of life; whether it is trying a new Indian place for dinner instead of your usual Thai take out or moving from Idaho to New York City; change and adventure are extremely important.

K stands for Kindness; which should be one of the easiest, but is the most difficult to exude for many people. There are many reasons why various demographics fail to show kindness. First, for some strange reason, people tend to associate kindness with weakness but I think it is the complete opposite. Kindness is one of the clearest indications of strength. Kindness should not know gender, sex, race, ethnicity, sexuality or class; it should be universal. Kindness is not effeminate in any way. A person who is not afraid to show compassion realizes that the are in a position of power at that moment, and the fact that they use it to help a person who is not as fortunate, is definitely not weak, it is purely heroic. Showing kindness can be as easy as a smile or keeping eye contact with the homeless guy on the corner of the street. Keeping eye contact with a person who is less fortunate can be more beneficial to them than your spare change. It shows more than anything that you see them as a person worthy of the same respect you would give any other person you come in contact with, an equal, to some extent.

Kindness is mutually beneficial, because being kind comes with so many benefits for both parties. Being kind shows that one is empathic and respectful and it goes a long way to show the outside world an essential piece to the puzzle that is one’s character. No matter what your personality and your method of reasoning is; being kind makes sense. It is logical to be kind because you never know what the future holds and where your next break is coming from. If you are a bit more prone to sentiments, then you are naturally more able to put yourself in another person’s shoes and realise that everyone wants a little kindness. Plus, really, boys and girls, the world is not the cause of any frustration you may feel, so it is unacceptable to go around spreading negative energy to anyone you meet. Transferred anger and aggression is not attractive at all and it is the height of immaturity and lack of responsibility and accountability.

E stands for Enthusiasm, now, this is a tricky one, so pay attention. Enthusiasm is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as strong excitement about something, a strong feeling of excitement in something you like or enjoy. I find this definition particular effective because it is encompassing of all the ingredients for enthusiasm. Firstly, I want to emphasize the fact that enthusiasm is a feeling not an emotion; therefore it is supposed to be more short-term. Note that this does not mean that you should only be excited about life half the time. What this means is that, if you try something new and it does not work, you have it within you to be extremely excited about it while it lasts but you are also equipped to move on if it goes sour and be just as excited about something else. There is also a big difference between this trait and being a dream parasite. For those who do not know, a dream parasite is a person who has a dream and gets others involved and then they milk that dream until it turns dry, they move on to next dream and do the same thing. They are not really invested in any particular dream and they lack a long-term vision; they are more interested in quick fame and money.

Enthusiasm is both a strong feeling and a strong excitement, so while it is difficult to feel as intensely about your journey through life all the time, you should always strive to be happy. Happiness does not have to be one-dimensional, the way one feels when one is with family and friends is totally different from what they feel performing well in school or at work. The best way to explain the difference between excitement and enthusiasm, and why both are essential is to use a singer for an example. I think we can all agree that the entertainment industry is one of the most difficult. Therefore, a singer needs enthusiasm when meeting fans and promoting a new album or any new projects, also especially when on stage. However, excitement is needed when they are required to pull off sixteen-hour studio sessions or their new record does not do as well on the charts as they had anticipated. Excitement is remembering the vision and truly loving what you do. Excitement is like a less intense and more long-term version of enthusiasm. There is wisdom in finding a balance and knowing when to the turn the volume up or down on either or both. Loving what you do should come from doing what you love and not vice versa. I admit that sometimes it works it out the when what you do becomes what you love but it’s very rear and there is a micrometre thin chance that you are that lucky person. Now, it is alright to do some form of work if you are still on the path to discovering what you love but if you know what you love, go for it.

So, you see it is literally impossible to enjoy life without a slice of C.A.K.E. Passing up a slice of C.A.K.E is like taking the stairs up to the penthouse of a building when there a fully functional elevators. There are too many advantages to having a slice of C.A.K.E, for starters, everyone can order whatever tickles their fancy. You are the one eating the cake, so it makes sense to pick your favourite flavour. Everyone’s palette is different so feel free to ask for opinions but only to a certain extent because you do not want to end up eating a cake that’s perfect, you want to end up eating a cake that’s perfect for you. There are a million flavours to choose from and you can even mix. There is no wrong choice, if you don’t like your order, you can change it. Seriously, its crazy the limitlessness of the patisserie that life is. Take full advantage of it and indulge….

Thought of the day...

For every excuse... A better strategy

            Firstly, let’s establish that there is no excuse for making excuses. For every excuse, there is a better strategy. Excuses are your mind’s way of validating your choice to procrastinate or worse, not do what you have to do at all. Most often, excuses are born out of utter and sheer laziness.

            For example, as a student, if you do not get the grades you want, it is very much your own fault. There are most likely resources that are available to you that you are ignoring. Most often, your mind tells you…the professor is boring, the teaching assistants are unapproachable, and you do not have the time to go to office hours. I think giving excuses has the potential to very quickly becomes a habit, and it becomes addictive, which makes it that much more difficult to break. Even worse when it has been left unchanged for a significant amount of time.

If you are like me, you have a PhD in excuses when it comes to getting a work out in, at the gym.  I mean if you have thought about it, I have probably used it. I have used every excuse in the book and a few more. Cardio is not for me, I will work out five times a week and by Wednesday, there is no way that’s possible, so I’ll just start next week. Sometimes, I will put a fitted outfit on and because it looks decent, I’ll convince myself that my working out will mean that I am aiming for an unattainable weight and I am only doing it to fit into what society wants me to look like. Excuse after excuse after excuse. When in actually fact, I do want to look good and feel comfortable in my own skin. When I wear certain outfits, I feel insecure and uncomfortable and that’s a thing for me and I should deal with that but I find scenarios that just validate my laziness and do nothing for me. I am a proud feminist, so make no mistake, I am against a woman working out for any other reason than to stay healthy for herself or look good for herself or be the version of herself she wants to be. This is what makes it so wrong, for me to pretend and hide behind these reasons, when they are a lie for me and there are women out there who struggle with their weight and feel pressure to look a certain way. It is disrespectful to them on every level.

It may not be about working out, but so far you admit that it is an excuse, and I know that you know, the difference between excuses and legitimate reasons, STOP. Mason Cooley once said, “Excuses change nothing, but make everyone feel better”. This is exactly why excuses are counterintuitive. Most people know what they need to do to make progress but instead they pull out all the excuses they can. The work does not go away, it just piles up. The energy you use to make up excuses could be channelled towards the accomplishment of the initial goal.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good at making excuses is seldom good for anything else”. I love this quote because it makes a whole world of sense. If one is always making excuses, he never gets anything done. Therefore, it is physically impossible for him to be good at anything else. I say this because, for a person to become good at something, they have to do it over and over again, always maintaining a high level of consistency. A person who gives excuses can barely be called a beginner, and because they have not put in any form of effort, they have no prospects of ever becoming an expert. So in essence, I think what this quote is really saying is that, a person who spends all their time giving excuses has no time for anything else.

Here are a few ways I think one can avoid the pitfalls of giving excuses.

(1)  Set SMART goals

SMART is an acronym that represents Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-Based. Goals are very important and are one of the few trends that are present in almost every success story.

Specific – Be as detailed as possible, if not you will find it difficult to recognize the finish line. If you do not know what you want, you are running towards a destination that does not exist.

Measurable – Set an effective method of evaluating and assessing your journey. Knowing if a goal is obtainable and how one compares to the competition is extremely valuable. A measurable goal is one that you know for sure when it has been achieved.

Attainable – Figure out if there are ways that you can achieve the goal you have in mind. If there are no ways in place already, figure out if there are ways you can try and if the risk is worth taking. Develop the attitudes and skills and abilities you need to reach them. A goal is the vision, making it attainable is the mission.

Realistic – At this point, it is important to distinguish between a dream and a goal. A dream, on the surface, seems unattainable and unrealistic. Goals on the other hand, should seem doable. A goal or a couple of goals are what lead to the accomplishment of a dream. A dream is more long-term than a goal. A dream is a destination; goals are hurdles and obstacles in the way of reaching that destination.

Time-sensitive – Effective and efficient goals are time-sensitive, they have a specific time frame, a time when specific tasks should be accomplished. Working with time, and being sensitive to the time element of things instils a sense of purpose and urgency and eventually leads to optimal results.

(2)  Prioritize

Prioritizing involves arranging tasks in order of importance and working in such a way that the most important tasks get accomplished first. I find that prioritizing has a diminished marginal utility effect. This means that after it works for the first task, we find it more and more difficult to stick to the schedule and follow through with the seventh and eighth and sixteenth task. In cases like this, most people are missing an essential part of prioritizing, which is arranging set tasks in chronological order and setting mini goals.

(3)  Set mini goals

Setting mini goals is just as important as setting the goals themselves. Breaking bigger goals into smaller pieces makes the accomplishment of the major goals not such a daunting task. Also, I find that setting mini goals also keeps the major goal in focus. It keeps one aware of all the things that they have to do to successfully accomplish the goal. This is important because, goals often look easier to accomplish than they really are but when we are aware of the work and effort needed, we are more likely to stay focused and consistent.

(4)  Balance is everything

The accomplishment of school or work related goals are extremely important as we have so obviously pointed out but making time for the other facets of life are equally as important. Family and friends, rest and relaxation and personal time is significant. The clarity and the focus that comes with a well-rested mind cannot be traded for anything else. Talking to people also opens up the mind to new possibilities, different perspectives and new ways of accomplishing the goals that one has set.

(5)  Be your own mirror but have other mirrors as well

It is important to be reflective as well. When you get a result or an outcome that is not a good as you wanted, take a minute to reflect and realize the things you can do differently and the options that you are yet to explore. Be truthful and honest and accountable. Be strong enough to tell yourself the truth because it is one of the most significant things we as humans have, and that is totally in our control. You are the big mirror on the dresser, but you also need two other smaller mirrors on each side. Smaller mirrors that believe in your vision and see you the way you are, because you cannot push something you do not see. You only need a few because too many cooks spoil the broth. But you do need those few, to keep you in check, besides if you have other people pushing you; the tolerance for excuses is greatly reduced. They will not let you get off as easy as you will yourself. Another significant fact is that they are smaller mirrors, so ultimately the ball is in your court. They are not there to give you goals and a vision; they are there to help you accomplish your own vision and your own goals. The other mirrors are there to help you be consistent with your mission and the effort and hard work and diligence that it demands.

Hopefully, by now, you understand my perspective and may be it does not apply to you right this second, but you never know when you will catch yourself slipping. For those who it applies to right now, remember that there are grave consequences and there is always a better strategy. Carlos Santana once said “most people do not have that willingness to break bad habits, they have a lot of excuses and they talk like victims”. Stop being your own victim and do whatever it is that you know you need to do. Remember, making excuses is like sitting in an open cage.