No offence but...

Maya Angelou once said “there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” So, this is me telling my own story, this is how I feel and I refuse to apologize for it.
To be honest, I do not think there is such a thing as unintentional or polite racism. I think people are just becoming better at being racist, better at catching themselves when they say something offensive. So good that they have a quick “no offence” like salt bae on hand, and suddenly everything is supposed to be all peachy again.
Zora Neale Hurston once said “If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” So, this is not a time to be silent, it is a time to share stories and stand together as a community. After all, we are the only ones who will fully understand what it is really like to be black. The first time I realized I was black was a particular incident that happened with one of my “friends” when I was in first year. She sent me a text that read, and I am not joking, “I can say nigger now because I have a black friend.” I’m pretty sure in that very moment, I died a little inside. Not because this is pretty much the most offensive thing a human being can say to another human being but because I felt like I had to laugh it off and pretend like it was not a big deal. I had to act like there were no consequences for such a statement, and as it stands, there really isn’t.
I mean I was new in Canada at the time, and this was pretty much my first time being friends with a white person. I was unsure what the boundaries were and when it was appropriate to speak my mind. I think a part of me also assumed that we were both on a level playing field, I mean we did after all get accepted to the same prestigious university and the same program. However, if I’ve learned anything from the fact that Adele’s “25” won in every category it was nominated alongside Beyonce’s “Lemonade” at the Grammys, it is that racism does not exist because it is logical or sensible or justified, it exists because it is convenient. The Grammys made a bold statement on behalf of the world to black people, that they recognize our best but it just does not matter. We are constantly told that they will listen to what we say but never really try to hear us. They will let us vote but always elect the one that best suits them. They will let us speak but will also be quick to label us angry and bitter and savage afterwards.
Popular black activist and actor, Jesse Williams came out and said what everyone other black person thinks when he received the humanitarian award at the BET Awards last year. As a result, he received a lot of backlash and he was labelled “racist” and people started a petition online to get him fired. More recently, there were threats to boycott Netflix because of a new show called “Dear White People,” that aired on the platform. It just seems to me like, a lot of face value and hypocrisy. It is just like the child that cries when their friend wins the struggle for the toy, except the toy here is a voice and a platform and a little bit of recognition.
Not personal enough? Then I’ll tell you another little story. A couple of years ago, my older sister Maye and I took a stroll to Queen and Spadina to withdraw some money. Suddenly, we spotted a homeless white woman with a dog who was a bit rowdy. Let me point out here that neither of us is a fan of dogs, so naturally, we both got a little antsy. This woman noticed our demeanour and screamed at the top of her voice “This is not Africa, dogs don't bite!” So dumbfounded, my sister and I both, we stood there, stunned, numb, unable to react because it seemed like an outer-body experience. I mean this is clear indication of how little people who aren't black are required to think about the consequences of their actions.
J.K Rowling once said ‘the consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed.” I think that the first thing that comes to mind after reading such profound words is that we as black people, more than anyone else, know this all too well. In the sense that as black people, we have been taught to be guarded in our speech. We have been taught to think about what we want to say and all the different ways it can be construed and then think again, before we say it. We are never allowed to think out loud. Do not misunderstand me, I think we should definitely think about our words and our feelings but not in a bid to make other people feel comfortable with it. It is never the responsibility of one individual to modify their truth to serve another individual, especially not to a person who will not afford them the same “respect.” It is already difficult enough, trying to make sense of the world that we currently live in, to add figuring out what other people think and feel to the mix is a burden and unnecessary.
However, I do think it is important to pick your battles. I’m not backtracking or contradicting myself, what I am trying to say here is not that you should be quiet and passive but the last thing you want to do is feed into the stereotype of an angry black person that blames all their problems on racism. I mean you definitely don't want to bring your native dish to work for lunch because this discussion will not be about racism. It will be about how you as an individual, are making the work environment uncomfortable for other people.
Another thing I learned from the quote, is to read and stay woke and be present. I think this is the very essence of Black History month. It is, in my opinion, a chance to read and get as much information as possible, especially now that this information can be so easily accessed. I mean you cannot defend yourself in an argument if you do not know what you are saying, and you cannot be passionate about what you don't understand. Note that by educating yourself, I do not mean double-tapping pictures about Black history on Instagram, I mean actually doing some research of your own and forming your own opinions. While I was in Nigeria, I visited Badagry, which is known as the hub of slave trade in Nigeria. During my visit, I learned just how little black people were and are valued, which didn't surprise too much. I’ll tell you what did surprise me was the seed of deceit that was sown and how easily the slave masters were able to convince black people to see themselves the way they saw them and something about it felt familiar.
I came to realization that the world has always been good at pitting black people against each other because they realized probably earlier than we did, that this was the only way to win. There is always rhetoric around competition and dog fighting and the notion that there is only opportunity for one black person in a room full of white people. It happens all the way from the White House to the board room of a Fortune-500 company to the classrooms of prestigious universities. Black people seemed to be used for face value more than anything else, and this is not due to a lack of talent or expertise or experience.
We may not be chained anymore but we are very much still in slavery. Racism is intentional and strategic, because it constantly puts black people in situations where they are can be harassed, overlooked, provoked, outnumbered and/or outranked. This is why a fifteen-year old American boy can wear a hat that has the words “Make America Great Again” slapped across the front and be surprised when he is attacked and made to think about his actions. This is why a college student of a prestigious university in America can rape an unconscious black woman and get way with a slap on the wrist. This is why the unemployment rate of a black university graduate is twice as high as their non-black counterparts.
I do not feel the need to end my rant/story on a positive note because this story has not ended quite yet. I sincerely hope that it gets better, but I am also well prepared for the worst. This is not a sad story, and in fact if there is anything I want you to learn from my story, it is that despite all that I and many other Black people face in the world, I am and will always be a proud black woman.

To be honest

         To be honest, I think it is the subjectivity of art that often discredits it. As millennials, we like to think that subjectivity means freedom but in actual fact, it really means hierarchy and the race to finish first has already begun. We like to think we live in a world and a time where we are free to think or feel or express ourselves the way we want to and maybe this is somewhat true, but it is also true that we desperately crave validation and approval to some degree from anyone we come in contact with. We secretly hope that the sales advisor at Topshop agrees that the sheer top is not slutty but edgy and we buy coffee from a fancy coffee shop not because we can afford it or because we are coffee connoisseurs, but because it will look cool on Instagram. We do a lot of the things we do for other people, so when we have to talk about a love and a passion for art, it is done in a way that ends up belittling the practice, expertise and magic it takes to be a true artist. Judging by the fact that our little friend Google was ready, on-hand to complete my question when I tried typing in the question “Are artists smart?’, it is safe to say this is an issue burning like wild fire in the minds of today’s youth. I mean I’ll just say this, there would no need to look for these answers if people felt like they had them. In my experience, people look at artsy people the way I look at Nicki Minaj when she “sings.” Like I can’t tell if you are being serious. I know this because whenever I meet someone new and they ask what my deal is, I immediately feel attacked and defensive. I lead with the fact that I am graduating with Honours from the University of Toronto with a Bachelors of Arts in Employment Relations and Sociology in the summer. And then I mention my blog in passing like it is what they assume it to be, just some phase or cute little passion project I do on the side. Then I look in the mirror and justify my actions and reassure myself that this does not mean anything, after all “I am a strong, independent black woman just like Beyoncé, who does not need validation from a random stranger.”

I guess what I am trying to say here is that, I agree that society often belittles and pigeonholes and overlooks the potential and legitimacy of art but it is not without the help of artists themselves. I think that by being unwilling or hesitant to accept your art and share it with the world, you are also saying that art isn't important. You are agreeing with the status quo and the insane, unspoken belief that being good at art is not good enough. And I know the crippling fear that accompanies sharing your art with anyone, I mean art can feel incredibly personal. It is hard enough dealing with your demons and insecurities and second guessing and creative blocks and everything else that comes with being creative, but I listened to a speech that Will Smith gave about how skydiving became cathartic for him and it gave me some perspective. I mean, being an artist is kind of like skydiving except there isn't a parachute in the end, so it is good to know that “God placed the best things in life on the other side of terror.” Because while the subjectivity in art is what makes it comforting, it is also what makes it utterly terrifying. I think more than anything I learned that it is alright to feel absolutely terrified to share your art but what should be more terrifying is the thought of not sharing it at all.

I think artists have become experts at self-sabotage and I think it is time to stop pointing fingers at other people and take responsibility for some of it. The word “utopia” means "a good place" and "no place at all", which makes sense because a lot of artists have a hard time differentiating between “a good place” and “no place at all”. I know this all too well, because in the year before I started my blog, I was writing and I thought I had a decent shot but it was especially blissful because I was the only one reading the pieces so there was no criticism. But as we know, this is a dangerous place because while it is a magical land of unicorns and cotton candy and rainbows, it is a fantasy and fantasies aren't real. A huge part of being an artist is putting yourself out there and get feedback as an artist, because again, this is the beautiful thing about subjectivity, a person only has as much power over you as you give them. Yes, being successful in the arts is hugely dependent on other people’s opinions and it is a  thousand times more difficult than the sciences or business because there is not a clear path but it is doable. I think it is a lot less scary once you realize that putting yourself out there is the first step of taking a gamble on yourself. It is the first thing you can do to show that you are not perfect but you believe in your story and your abilities as an artist. So, do it for you not for anyone else. Being successful in the arts is about being bold enough tell your truth and own it, because you are the only person skilled enough to speak your own truth. This is not to say that, there will not be criticism because speaking the truth is noble and good but not everyone will identify with it and even if they do, not everyone will like the way you have chosen to tell it. No matter how juicy your peach is, there are people who prefer apples and people who don't like fruit at all. I guess this is just one of those stories that do not have a happy ending or maybe it does, like I said, it is all about perspective.

Insecure... still

       The moment I published my first post on this blog was exactly three years ago. I remember it like it was yesterday, a little confused and really unsure of what I was getting myself into, I decided to rip off the band aid. To celebrate, I re-read my first article and it is just as cringe-worthy as I thought it would be, but it is also proof that I may not be where I want to be but I am also not where I used to be. So I am thankful for growth and the strength to persevere and the community of amazing people I have been blessed with. 

      Franz Kafka once said “Don’t bend; don't water it down, don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your intense obsessions mercilessly.” So, this is me, killing two birds with one stone and I can feel it already, this is going to be a long one, so grab a cup of coffee or garri or whatever your deal is, because here goes everything...

As a girl who struggles with feeling insecure, I know that it is not always about a man or the way I look. This is not to say that I don’t worry about those things because I do, of course I do. I fear that I am not attractive enough and I fear that I do not fit into society’s beauty ideal. I would like to be noble and brave and go against the status quo and I consider myself a feminist but I am also human which makes it is quite difficult not to overthink and worry about these things. Especially when I am constantly being told that I am too flabby, too acned, too black, too opinionated, too shy and too wide-eyed to be beautiful. 

      In a world that is plagued with so much toxicity and envy and competition, I fear that not being competitive in the conventional sense, makes me mediocre and unambitious. I attend professional events quite often, and at these things, people expect you to network and sound like you have a bit of sense, so I know the prestige attached to being competitive and assertive and making your presence known. Thus, when I struggle to get into this head space and present myself this way, I feel insecure and out of place but shoutout to cue cards, breath mints and a little red wine for helping a girl out. In my creative life, I am a little insecure about the quality of my work as a writer, it is less a fear of judgement or criticism as it is a fear of not being good enough. Over the past three years, I am sure that I have gotten closer to finding my voice and while this is comforting, it is a new journey, one whose possibility and potential and magic is just as daunting and scary and nerve wracking as starting to look for it in the first place. With every article I publish, there are on average, two or three other very similar ones that I never finish. I am reluctant to write, not due to a lack of inspiration, but because when I write, I fear that I am not making sense or that I am not quite sure where I am going with it, so I hesitate. 

      I think one of the most obvious signs of insecurity is consciously or unconsciously setting low standards. Insecurity convinces and camouflages low standards as realism. Insecurity makes dreams and aspirations reasonable, logical and within reach, which defeats the purpose of having dreams in the first place. Insecurity blinds you and cripples you and makes you numb to the fact that you bring something to the table, worthy of respect and recognition. Insecurity is also toxic and poisonous and has the potential to damage a person’s relationships. An insecure person is never wrong, which makes it hard to have conversations. An insecure person thrives off of their ability to always be right and talk down to another person when offering their opinion, which most sane people do not want to be around that kind of energy. An insecure person can criticize and correct but never be criticized or corrected, which seems inherently unfair and ridiculous. Insecure people are fragile and they live off of other people’s perceptions of them and constantly getting reassured, which ain’t nobody got time for that. Insecure people are chronic attention seekers, they are the ones who go off on tangents and rants on their social media, which is incredibly irritating.

      Insecurity makes one feel the need to appear to be more than they really are. Thus, if you constantly need to tell or show other people what you have, you are probably insecure. If you are the person who feels the need to top anybody else’s story, then you are probably insecure. If you are the first one to get personal and defensive in an argument, then you are probably insecure. See, when a person is insecure about their intellectual life, they hurl insults and hit below the belt in efforts to distract from the initial conversation, rather rude than dumb. Insecure people are bad winners and sore losers. They are not good at relationships because they never let the other person live down their mistakes and they always have to have the upper hand and the last word in an argument.

Even if none of these apply to you, everyone deals with insecurity in some capacity. This is not what matters, what matters is how you react to it and how you deal with it, because as Erich Fromm once said “the task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to tolerate insecurity.” Tolerating insecurity does not mean accepting it means being aware of it but still not letting it define who you are. So, this means if there is a friendship or a relationship that you ruined because you were insecure, now would be a good time to fix that. And if there is something you have been wanting to do but have been crippled and scared by the possibility of failure, now is as good a time as any to jump in head first.

      It’s been three years and I am finally starting to feel like I am inspired by my fears and insecurities and not crippled by them. It is weirdly liberating and wildly cathartic to speak about what gives you anxiety because at the end of the day, these things only have as much power as you give them. The thing about insecurity is that it is like a lie, it builds up and has the potential to take on a life of its own. Insecurity is like a cancer, if it is left to fester, it has the potential to affect to spread and become terminal. So, I think that more than anything, Erich Fromm encourages us not to fight insecurity or ignore it for that matter. I think what he is trying is say is that, inevitability also means assurance, thus we should use our own insecurities and fears to our own advantage. Maybe I am just being selfish or maybe I hope that by sharing my truth, I have helped you feel better about yours, less judged and less alone, maybe a little bit of both. But I truly hope that my looking in the mirror has helped you see a little bit of yourself. I hope I have done that not just with this article but with my blog, my voice and my platform. 

Happy third year anniversary and here’s to you and everything you are to me.

                                                                                                                                         Love,

                                                                                                                                                 Nini

Love me now

      There is something about the rhetoric and dialogue around love that makes it sound like a destination or something to aspire to, but to me, love is a journey, a part of our journey as individuals. Even when we accept that love is a journey, we are told many times and in many situations that the journey should be hard and arduous and excruciating and that we should take comfort in the destination. However, I do not agree with this philosophy, I think that love is most valuable in the present.

      Love has been morphed into this shallow, materialistic phenomenon based strictly on the physical. We live in a time where there is an ideal version of beauty that totally bypasses an entire race and it is unacceptable to me. This unrealistic standard has forced women all over the world to postpone self love and self acceptance. It has forced women to replace beauty with perfection in their minds. Beauty has never and will never be synonymous with perfection, if anything, it is quite the opposite. True beauty is in strength and endurance and in the fight to be a better person than you were yesterday. True beauty is fighting to love the body and the skin that you are in despite all the different people telling you that you are too flabby, or too boney or too dark or too light or too black to be beautiful. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be better because after all, we all have flaws, but wanting to be better involves first recognizing the good that you do have within you. Loving yourself also literally means fixing the things that you are not happy with. Many times, we read or hear messages that encourage us not to change because we are perfect. Admittedly, the message is noble, it is usually portrayed in the context of accepting your body and accepting your flaws, and this is good. But I mean you cannot wave a magic wand and make the insecurity disappear. The opposite of trying to be perfect is not ignoring all your flaws, this is unrealistic and a recipe for disaster. I mean it is probably healthy for you to acknowledge now that you will never look like Beyoncé or Kim Kardashian. If you are uncomfortable in your skin, it is also alright for you to want to make a change. Wanting to be physically attractive  or wanting to somewhat conform to society’s ideal of beauty does not make you shallow or a sell-out, it makes you human. There is no convincing a woman that she is beautiful. I mean it is a lovely compliment, and probably appreciated but until she sees what she conceives as beauty staring her back in the mirror, she will never feel it. Telling a woman she is beautiful will make her smile and make her feel good for a moment but she will only feel beautiful when she does whatever it is that she thinks she needs to do to feel that way.

    A huge part of loving yourself is taking care of the body that you are in and taking care of your mind and doing whatever it is that you think you need to. Intuition is everything. Your body always knows what it needs and when it has had enough, so listen. Stress is a clear message from your body to your mind that you have taken on too much. I know that this may sound counterintuitive but the only way I can feel less stressed and overwhelmed is to actually do what it is that is making me feel stressed. I mean I probably will watch something on Netflix but it is a waste of time because I’ll relax for a minute but I will be thinking about whatever it is that is making me stressed the rest of the time. I think the trick is to pay attention when things begin to pile up and stop with the procrastination. 

    Procrastination is also a valid thing to talk about when it comes to relationships and loving other people. I think it is just as important to love those who you love now as it is to love them at all. This is not to be morbid and this is not because you do not know how long you have with them. This is because why not. You are literally only as good as the relationships you maintain. If you have read my blog for a little while or follow me on social media, you will know that my family is my everything and I only have a few really close friends but they have my heart. I just think that you should make the people you love a priority because God has given you that responsibility. I believe that God puts people in your life for a season or for the long haul because He has a reason and a purpose. You are meant to be a blessing to them while also being blessed by them in some capacity. Also, it is important to not take these relationships for granted because it is rare to decipher the purpose for any relationship in the beginning. I think there is something to be learned from the fact that we have the relationships that God chooses and the ones He allows us to choose to be a part of. Most times, the ones we pick are the ones that end up failing or adding no value.

    In terms of being in a relationship, I am 22 and single and I have never really had a serious boyfriend, so I am probably not the best person to ask for advice but you know, I always have to give my two cents. But let us start with me, so that you are absolutely sure that I am not judging you. I think that I am single because I am just now becoming comfortable in my own skin but I am also unwilling to compromise on what and who I think is date-worthy. So basically I have what I like to call "I am not perfect but you have to be" syndrome, which I am pretty sure is not as uncommon as you would think. 

     I think it is noble to want to find the perfect person for you but I also think that there is a slim chance that the first person you give time and attention to is the one. So have those conversations and make connections, flirt but have your own back more than anything else, protect your heart but don't put up a wall. Don’t give of yourself to a person who has shown you that they don't appreciate you or are unwilling to reciprocate the gesture. Do not lose yourself in a relationship, look for someone who appreciates who you are not someone who can’t wait to make you the perfect person for them.

    Relationships are serious and difficult and exhausting and most relationships worth fighting for require a lot of patience and perseverance. I mean until you are willing to kiss a few frogs, you will not know the difference between your version of a prince and a frog. It is good to know what you want but until you put yourself out there, it will be quite difficult to find who you want. Many times, a girl is very sure of what she looks for in a guy, in theory, but until she interacts with him, in practice, she cannot know for sure. I guess what I am trying to say here is don't go to dinner with a serial killer but still keep an open mind because from what I have seen, love can happen in the most unexpected places but it could also be staring you right in the face. If you don't feel ready because you are unwilling to commit and put in the work, then take all the time you need. But don't stop or be hesitant because you feel insecure or afraid or too vulnerable and exposed because that is what being in a relationship is. So take a chance and forgive yourself if it does not go the way you want it to. 

The Girl with the Green Scarf...

Dear September,

This is the one where I tell you that it is possible to change and evolve and grow and adapt and still be the person you are. I think this is important to talk about because it is the beginning of the year where people tend to set goals that they hope to accomplish in the year. It is important to talk about this now because people often get so carried away with trying to achieve perfection that they miss the magic they possess as individuals. People focus so extensively on correcting all their flaws, that they become oblivious to what makes them special and seem willing to give it up. And honestly, I can’t say that I blame anyone for feeling this way. You see, we live in a world that is weirdly obsessed with perfection but it is also a world that constantly tells us that we are special and we are capable of anything. This is noble and good and amazing but it also then unconsciously leads to us never being satisfied with who we are. We automatically want to be better and more perfect, whatever that means. We begin to believe that what makes us special isn’t our individuality, it isn’t who we are but what we have. We are a society so obsessed with materialism that being yourself and holding on to what makes you truly happy has become old-fashioned.

So, I guess this is a guide to authenticity and I hope this acts as a reminder that change is good and important but staying true to who you are is just as good and important and valuable. 

Ok, so here are few ideas on how to strike that balance.

Friends 

          "Oo you've changed"... if you have never been hit with one of these by a person who you consider a friend, then you are doing something wrong. There's always going to be people who want you to stay in the same position forever and they are toxic. They are toxic because make no mistake, they do this because it serves them and them alone. People who get uncomfortable or annoyed when you change and grow and evolve, are people who think that they are entitled to you, your time and resources. This is weird and absurd and frankly, insulting. So, no, you're not crazy. It is your duty in this new year to have an honest conversation with such people or cut them out of your life completely. Besides some friends are meant to teach you something, and are only meant to be in your life for a period of time; so don't force it or beg anyone to stay. It is your duty to surround yourself with people who want the best for you. Friends who listen and are there for you but friends who also challenge you and push you harder than you can push yourself. Friends who will help you change and evolve and grow but who are also in a position where they can be honest enough to tell you if you begin to lose sight of who you are. 

Mentors

I am sure you have heard me say before that your friend cannot be your mentor but your mentor can become your friend. This basically means that a mentor should start out as a mentor. You should actively select a person you think can be valuable to you and your journey and begin to establish a relationship with them. This relationship can blossom into a friendship but it should not start this way, as opposed to a friendship which should not be forced but allowed to blossom organically. 

            A mentor needs to be able to tell it like it is because they have nothing to lose. A mentor should be a person who shouldn't feel like they need to sugarcoat the truth. They should be someone you respect enough to value their opinion and they should be someone worthy of that kind of respect. They should have a wealth of knowledge and expertise in an area you are interested in. I think it is important to point out that a mentor should not be a person whose life you use as a roadmap for your own journey. May seem obvious, but just in case, I’ll just say that your journey may seem very similar to another person's, but it is not. The mere fact that you are not the same person as the next is enough of a difference. A mentor's life and journey should not be the copy to your paste. A mentor is good for tips and tricks and ways to avoid common mistakes that people make. But know that mistakes are good and a lot of the time, the mistakes that are unique to you are the ones that end up defining our journey. 

Reflection

The only way to see if you have become a person you don't recognize is to look into a mirror. I would say start writing a diary but that can be quite time consuming. So, a better idea would be to summarize your day every day with a sentence of two. This way, you can actively think about your day and what you like and what you don't, what you achieved and didn't achieve. Also, it will be fun, not just at the end of the year but at the end of each week, to see how much you have grown. It is also a good way to hold yourself accountable and ensure you don't get lost in all the dreaming. 

Friends and mentors can also be quite important and influential in the reflection process. The right friends call you out on your bullshit but in the best possible way. Because you know that even though it may sting in that moment, they come from a place that is honest and genuine and wants the very best for you. 

To ensure that reflection becomes a daily habit, attach it to something you do without fail every day. It could be exercise or coloring, it's up to you. Reflection helps you to pinpoint certain mistakes you have made but also realize that you are not all bad. There are obviously things that you should change but overall, the parts of you that are good and worth keeping are more than the parts of you that made those mistakes. Reflecting allows you to see all of you. Reflecting allows you to forgive yourself and see the good in yourself when certain situations aggressively make it blurry. Reflection makes you happy because you see that you are not where you want to be but you are also not where you used to be. 

Failure 

Failure gives you character. Failure defines your character. Failure decides both who you are and who you have chosen to be. It is not the failure that is significant but more so, how you react to it. Failure can be good. Failure is often the thing that lets you know that there is something about you that you need to change. It could be anything from pride or a negative attitude to an ineffective study method. 

Failure inspires either fight or flight, you need wisdom to decipher which one is the better decision. When you start something and you fail, you can decide to stay and fight and try it again. Or you can decide to quit and try something else. It is important to point out here that choosing to leave is not cowardly. Sometimes, courage is knowing what is best for you, trusting your intuition and making those difficult decisions.

One of my biggest inspirations and favourite girls, Sophia Bush once said “You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress, simultaneously.” This is comforting to hear, especially in the context of a world that is constantly telling us that we need to pick a side. Being authentic is embracing your journey, being grateful for where you are and what you have achieved while still recognizing that there is more work to be done. So, sell all your clothes and get rid of all your excesses and flaws but keep the green scarf because it is more than a green scarf, it is very essence of who you are.

                                                                                                                             Happy New Year,

                                                                                                                                                        Nini

All is Calm. All is Bright

Dear September,

            In the spirit of Christmas, this is the one where I tell you to make merry because this is the one time in the year where all is calm and all is bright. This time of the year is like an extended version of the part of the day, early in the morning, where the sun has risen but you haven’t quite started the day. The environment is calm and the possibilities are endless and I feel as though this time should be recognized and appreciated and taken full advantage of.

            It is about a week to the end of the year, so if you are a student, you are done with finals and if you work, you are just about to leave for the break, if you haven’t already. It is the perfect time to wind down and consciously reflect on the past year. Remember all the mistakes you have made and all the things you could have done better. This is not a time for regret or self-deprecation, it is also not a time to wallow in self-pity or make excuses. It is a time to recognize your faults, forgive yourself for them and move on.

            There is a reason why it is the most wonderful time of the year. There is a magic in the air this time of year that you can’t quite place. I cannot think of a better time to dream without inhibition and be truthful about what you want for yourself in the coming year. It is a time where it is socially acceptable to float on a cloud. If you cannot dream and see the future you really want, at a time like this, then it will be even more difficult to dream when life begins to get in the way. This is not a time to be rational, and set goals based on what you have or what you think you can actually achieve.

            If you are like me, just before you start your day, you feel hopeful, you write a to-do list the length of your left arm and are honestly convinced in that moment that you will check everything off by the end of the day. More times than not, you do not check everything off the list but that’s alright. You see, the magic is not in checking things off, it is in the way you feel while you are writing the list. You feel hopeful and optimistic and void of self-doubt. For a moment, you forget your flaws and the flaws of the world that we live in and you are wide-eyed and excited for the future. Writing goals and dreams and to-do lists is essentially writing the future that you envision for yourself and if that doesn’t make you unbelievably happy, tear off the page and start again. In the words of President Barack Obama “If we do not have hope, then what do we have.” You see this is not about being perfect and void of blemish, because perfection is an illusion, it is about believing, even if it is just for a moment, that you are beautiful and capable of perfection and full of magic.

So, September, I think that this is a story of hope and a reminder that knowing that you may not accomplish every single thing you want to, is not reason enough to stop dreaming. 

            Courage is making the decision to embark on a journey and endure a course of action, while being completely aware of the potential difficulties and obstacles that you will encounter on the way. A good example of this would be quitting your day job to focus on your dreams and what you are truly passionate about. Now, do not misquote or misunderstand me, this is not to say that everyone who quits their day job to focus on their passion project full-time is wise and courageous. It only counts as courage when this is a risk and a well-thought out idea at the same time. In the sense that, investing time and effort into a passion project can make a person happy but not all passion projects are worth giving up what you currently have for.

You cannot quit your day job if your passion project cannot replace it as a form of income or at the very least have the potential to in the short run. Potential is great and cool and amazing but it is not everything. With a passion project, the risk should be the duration of time it will take for it to start paying for itself and not if it will in the first place. Part of courage is wisdom and discernment. The hope in courage is that you choose to believe in yourself and your art, and you open yourself to starting all over again if things don’t pan out the way you want them to.

            No matter who you are, there are always resources available to you, you just have to be willing to open your eyes and look around. I’ll use myself as an example, you know, … because I never do that… So, as you know, I am currently in my fourth and final year at the University of Toronto and if I have learned anything, it is to ask for as much help as possible. Whether it is from the professor, when I am totally drowning in a topic or just going to the writing centre to have an extra set of eyes look over my paper. A little help can make all the difference in the world. Asking for help portrays an inherent desire to be a better version of yourself and a hope that you can become this person that you aspire to be. When you decide to put your pride and ego and maybe even push through some fear, you will be surprised at how many people can be as committed to your success as you are.

Perspective is everything September, it literally is. The calmness that comes with this time of the year is golden and very relevant to gaining and maintaining a good perspective. If you are like me and you always have a list of goals every January so long, that you feel defeated before you even begin, you do not need to change the list, you need to change your attitude. Rather than accepting defeat and becoming overwhelmed, take the challenge head on. Rather than focus on all the time and effort accomplishing your list will take, focus on tackling the flaws that could become obstacles, like a procrastination habit or bad company.

Hope is inherently about perspective. In the world we live in today, where Donald Trump is the leader of the free world, it becomes your responsibility to work to keep hope alive for yourself and for others as well. Choosing to be hopeful is not a lack of wisdom or a character flaw. Choosing to be hopeful is not ignoring the negatives of a situation, it is acknowledging them while also focusing on the positives and believing that you are capable of turning the negatives to positives and finding the silver lining. So, remember September, all is calm and all is bright, so find your own version of hope and hold on to it for dear life.

                                                                                                                                 Merry Christmas,

                                                                                                                                                             Nini