Caution: Wet Floor

Dear September,

This is the one where I remind you that no one’s life is perfect and no one has their shit figured out all of the time, except Blake Lively. The sooner you realise that most people are winging it, just like you, the earlier you can actually enjoy life. It seems as though when we fail or make a terrible mistake, our first instinct is to try to prevent other people from seeing the mess we made. It is almost like we put a “caution: wet floor” sign up.

Social media and people like Kim Kardashian, who have such a big voice and a huge following, definitely does not help. Social media advertises this standard of beauty that is unattainable for both the model and the everyday woman. It pushes the notion that as a woman, you have to look a certain way to be considered attractive and desirable. What’s worse is regular girls like you and me, are forced to juggle this ideal of beauty along with everything else we have going on and put a smile on our face like everything is just peachy.

This notion of beauty and the ideal woman is what forces us, as girls to put these guards up and act like everything is perfect, when in fact, we are falling apart. Well, September, I do not have life figured and I look nothing like Kim Kardashian and I am going to try to be okay with that. Even Cindy Crawford, the supermodel once said “I wish I looked like Cindy Crawford.”

So, sweetheart, put your guards down, because they are not protecting you; they are preventing you from finding your magic. Ask for help, take the help and do not feel less in any way because of it. Do not push people away because you cannot do everything by yourself, no matter how hard you try. Struggling in silence is not going to make the problem go away, and neither is ignoring it. The time you spend hiding your problems and keeping up appearances could be used to actually deal with the issue.

September, these are a few things I have learned and am still learning about letting your guard down.

One.

I think the most obvious one is, that by letting your guard down and asking for help, you actually find a solution. I think it is important to remind you of this fact because most people just see the dark tunnel and forget about the beautiful, bright light at the end.

Two.

            Once you let your guard down, you can begin to meet people you actually like and make memories you will cherish forever. When I began university, I wanted to be friends with a certain crowd of people. I wanted to be friends with the cool kids. I, however, learned the hard way that in university, like the real world, there are no cool kids. Cool is very relative. Friendship like life should not be forced, it should happen as organically as possible. The earlier you accept your journey and live your truth and be your authentic self, the earlier you can find like-minded people to form a community with.

Three.

            Letting your guard down and asking for help, letting go of your pride and speaking up requires the kind of courage that cannot be taught or learned. Being humble enough to ask for help builds character. It shows maturity and wisdom. It shows your willingness to fight for what you want out of life.

Four.

            Once you ask for help and get it, you realize you had the power and the control the whole time. Asking for help is doing things on your own terms. You avoid reaching rock bottom. Asking for help is actually a privilege, if you ignore a problem for too long, you lose the choice to ask for help. The situation reaches the stage where it can no longer be hidden and people notice right away that you are drowning.

Five.

            Resilience. This is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties or hardship. I do not know a quicker route to recovery than asking for help from someone who has been in the same exact situation that you are in. It is like having a cheat sheet on a very important exam. Plus, you realise that you are not alone. People often shy away from asking for help because they feel like they are the only ones with that problem, or they feel like they are the only ones struggling or worse, they feel like it makes them look weak. It is quite the opposite, asking for help requires an incredible amount of strength.

Six.

            By cleaning up the mess you made, however you do it, you get the opportunity to learn from your mistakes. I do not know a better teacher than personal experience. You also figure out that one bad mistake does not determine the rest of your life unless you give it the power to. Cleaning up your mess, forces you reflect. Asking for help, gives you the chance to step away from the problem and gain a new perspective. It shows you that one bad mistake or one bad day does not mean that you have a bad life. It is very easy to get so consumed with hiding your problems that you fail to recognize them altogether and you just end up standing still in the middle of the mess you made without even realizing it.

Seven.

            It is very easy to see someone in a bad situation and judge. She is fat because she has no control, he is poor because he is lazy, why should I give him my change when he is just going to buy alcohol or a pack of cigarettes?, why do they have so many children? These are thoughts that constantly cross our minds. We often ignore the person, and focus on the situation. Having to ask for help is an extremely humbling experience, it helps one develop empathy and become less judgmental towards people who ask for help. It helps one realise that we are all human, and we are bound to make mistakes, what makes us different is how we react when we make these mistakes.

I guess what I am trying to say is, do not be afraid to let other people see you struggle, because everyone struggles. Besides, it is these moments of impact, flashes of high intensity; which completely turn our lives upside down, that actually end up defining who we are. A life well lived isn’t perfect, it is not void of chaos and mistakes. It is not spent avoiding mistakes and covering up messes, it is spent doing everything you can, to not make the same mistakes twice. Making the best use of the life you are given is not a science, there is no formula, it is an art and the greatest masterpieces are a togetherness of broken pieces and mismatched colours.

                                                                                                     Love Always,

                                                                                                                             Nini