Dear September,
This is the
one where I tell you about Brooke Davis.
In the spirit of International Women’s Day, I think
reminding you of the strength and the courage and the tenacity you possess as a
woman is quite appropriate. Granted, Brooke Davis was a
fictional character in my favourite television show 'One Tree Hill'. So, it may
seem weird to use her as a representation of what it means to be a woman.
However, I do think it is appropriate because she is beautiful and brave and
strong and flawed and emotional and raw; she is every woman.
I
remember her because in the midst of her flaws and insecurities, she was
fearless and courageous and never afraid to be the woman she always wanted to
be.
Brooke
Davis was the only child of a very dysfunctional household, her father
spent more time on the golf course than he did with her and her mother was a
resentful, bitter, venomous shopaholic. This history matters because it
explains why when I met Brooke Davis she was an apple crumble. A girl with
an extremely tough surface, one she had had a lot of practice building and a
squashy interior. What's worse is that she had spent so much time focusing
on building that exterior that she was now totally oblivious to the fact that
she was crumbling on the inside.
I identify with this because I know that like many university students, I
go through phases where I am really struggling but I am more concerned
with the way I appear to my family and friends, than actually getting the help
I so desperately need. I try my hardest to hide when I feel the most
overwhelmed. There is nothing truly comforting about pretending your problems
do not exist. For the record, I do not act this way because I do not have help
available. I just struggle with asking for help because I don't like feeling
vulnerable and in need of "rescuing" or looking like I do not have it
all together all the time. Sounds extremely stupid but it's a real struggle for
a lot of people. If you are lucky enough, like Brooke Davis, you make friends
and slowly you begin to feel comfortable accepting their help.
So, I have amassed a few tips from
my own experiences, friends and generally people I have had conversations with,
on how to become like Brooke Davis. I found them extremely helpful and I hope
you do too. (I am fully aware that these things are easier said than done but a
little step everyday is better than nothing).
-
Be Brave
o
Bravery is not the absence of fear.
Bravery is not letting your fear be bigger than your dreams. Being brave is
being willing to take risks and leaps of faith towards the future you see for
yourself. Being brave is being willing to do trial and error. When I think of
bravery, I think of courage as well. In my mind, they are similar but not
synonymous. I think one needs courage to do a brave thing. For example, if you
are like me and have a crippling fear of public speaking. Then being brave is
actually facing your fear and speaking in public. However courage is what helps
you come to that decision. Having courage is the first step to becoming brave.
Brooke Davis, in her lifetime did many brave things. However, one particular
event is clear in my mind. It is the point at which she chose to give up her
multimillion-dollar company in order to preserve her integrity. This is an even
more respectable decision, when it is put in the context of a society that increasingly
focuses on material things as means of validation. Being brave is one of many
tributaries that flow into the ocean of progress and growth. In learning bravery,
Brooke also learned balance. She realised that she didn’t have to be strong all
the time and she accepted that vulnerability was not a sign of weakness. This
was especially difficult for her because she was used to being the only person
in her corner, so it was often not an option. Sometimes, bravery is realising
that you are overwhelmed and being okay with it.
-
Be Resilient
o
If Brooke Davis is one thing, she is
resilient. According to the Oxford dictionary, resilience is the quality of
being able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult situations. Obstacles
are just distractions, keep your eye on the finish line at all times because
true success depends on it. Being resilient means never taking ‘no’ for an
answer. Brooke Davis is proof that your past cannot define your future without
your permission. She overcame so many obstacles to get to a place where she was
happy and content and comfortable in her own skin. It took her a while, but she
got there.
She was often attacked in the places, and by the people, that
she should have felt the safest with. This led to her never learning or
experiencing true love and commitment. She was so clueless that she did not
realise she was standing in the way of her own happiness. Brooke spent so much
time building this “perfect” persona, that when she met a man who saw through
her façade, being loved by him made her feel vulnerable and open and weak, in a
sense. Brooke Davis was a woman, who had been constantly let down, first by her
parents and then by a series of toxic relationships, so she also had extensive
trust issues. She saw the wall she had built up, as resilience. She did not
realise that her resilience lied in her huge heart and her willingness to let
go and forgive people when they do wrong. Her resilience was in the fact that
she could still hold a place in her heart and fight for people who had
abandoned her when she needed them the most.
-
Be Open-Minded
o
Brooke was always willing to evolve and
move on to “the next chapter”, whether or not she knew what it was. She made
plans but she was also willing to adapt to whatever challenge or obstacle life
threw her way. It is very important to point out that being open-minded is very
different from settling. Settling is accepting a condition or a situation, when
you are fully aware that you can do better. Settling is giving up. This is
completely and absolutely unacceptable. Being open-minded is accepting that you
cannot have control over everything and everyone all the time. Being
open-minded is realizing that your way may not necessarily be the best way, and
being okay with it. Being open-minded is building a strong team around you and
respecting what it is that each person brings to the table. Being open-minded
is understanding that, sometimes, life happens. Brooke, from when she was a
young girl, knew that she wanted children and a family. However, along the way,
she discovered that she may not be able to have children. She was sad and
incredibly devastated and she let herself mourn and process the excruciating
pain she felt. She also did not let herself wallow in self-pity. She picked
herself up and began to speak to adoption agencies. She decided to take charge
of her own journey to happiness. She realised that true happiness was a
destination that had many different routes. Initially, she thought being happy
meant being successful, which meant having her clothing line. Unfortunately,
she had to give that up and find a new version of happiness and contentment,
working at a café. Happiness is a constant battle, to win, one has to be
willing to keep getting back up after life knocks one down.
There
are so many lessons to learn from Brooke Davis that I’m making this a two-part
series. Lies!!!!! Ogbeni I’m tired ok? That being said, this concludes the
first part of your introduction to our friend, Brooke Davis. Next week, I’ll
finish the introduction and then it will be up to you to develop your
relationship with her.
Hugs and kisses,
Nini
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