September is the new January

Dear September,

This is the one where I tell you that September is not what it used to be. And I'm not talking about the way Starbucks starts to use cinnamon and pumpkins like they are going out of style or how obsessive fashion kids become over the prestigious September issue.

Historically, September has meant the end of summer, back to work and back to school... back to real life essentially. However, September now symbolizes a fresh new start. A way to bring the year back in if it hasn't gone the way you want it to. In September, people set new goals and implement new strategies to ensure that their goals are achieved. 

I'm a final year student at university so September does still signify having to go back to school but that’s not all anymore, I now choose to see it as a chance to learn from my mistakes and make changes. A chance to try new methods to achieving the goals I set for myself. 

September is now a reminder that it is not about who finishes first but who finishes best. September is a chance to take charge of your life. It is closer to the end of the year than January but it is still enough time to get shit done. 

One of the most significant advantages of goal setting in September as opposed to January is that you can make a more informed decision. You can be 'realistic' but you can still dream because you have a better idea of the way you work and if the goals you set for yourself at the beginning of the year are truly reflective of where you want to be by the end of the year.

I believe in the power of a second chance and goal setting in September gives you that power. Setting goals in September requires a lot more courage and commitment and effort than setting goals in January. Goals set in September MUST be SMART, not should, not could, not maybe, not its up to you, MUST. 

I will explain...

Specific

The goals you set in September cannot be general, the time frame does not allow that. They have to explicitly state what you plan to achieve. This should be easier because by September, a lot of narrowing down should be out of the way. I'll give you an example. As a university student, I set a goal in January to get a solid human resources internship by the end of the year in January. I got an HR internship in the summer but it is not really what I wanted. My new goal is not 'new,' it is just adapted. My new goal is to get an HR internship with a well-known company in Toronto. An internship that would allow me to gain hands-on experience and teach me the fundamental human resources practices and procedures.

Measurable

You have to be able to identify when the goal has been accomplished. Goals have to be tangible. "I want my GPA to increase” is not measurable and neither is "I want do better in school." Do you want a 3.12 or a 3.54 or 4? You can't tell with the initial goal. You have to state your goals in such a way that it will be easy to hold yourself accountable and responsible for them.

Achievable

Now this is the one I struggle with. But rather than cancel it out altogether, I have decided to share my own perspective. Which, like everything else on this blog, is left for you to agree or disagree. And trust me, I will not be offended if you disagree. But it's my blog so I'm going say what I want. Ok, achievability (got a lil sassy there for a minute).

I think rather than looking at the things you have and saying "Ok, I think I have what I need to achieve this." I think you should be frightened by the lapse and the lag between what you have and what you need to get where you want to be. I do not think your goals should be anywhere near your comfort zone. 

Achievability should not be a physical or tangible thing, it should be in your mind. It should be in your mind because your mind is always going to be infinitely more powerful and permanent than your hands will ever be. If your dream doesn't scare you then dream again friend.  

The achievability of your dream should depend on first, your willingness to have that dream because if you are dreaming the right dream, it should take courage. The achievability of your dream and your goal should also depend on your willingness and commitment to putting in the effort required to fuel the dream. The achievability of said dream should not depend on if it can be done or if it has been done because that has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Realistic

            This is also another one I struggle with. Again, this is my perspective and it definitely does not have to be yours. I don't think your goals should be realistic in the conventional sense. You should sound crazy when you pitch your ideas because it is the people crazy enough to have such big dreams that end up achieving them. So, I think your goals should be realistic to you but not necessarily anybody else. If you find anyone else who sees your goals as realistic, you should keep them, because it should be rare. You should see your goals as realistic not because they are but because you have enough confidence in your vision and your abilities and what you have learned from your failures and the person that you are, to believe that you are up to the task. 

Time-based

    You can relax, this I actually agree with. Goals set in September have to be even more time-based than those set in January. There is nothing artistic or complex about this, it is plain fact. There is three times more time between January and December than there is between September and December. What I think I can add here is the fact that I do not think this should be intimidating or anything. If anything, this should motivate you to work through any fear or hesitation you feel. You have no time to sit around and think whether or not you want to. You have to jump and trust that your vision is strong enough for you to push through the pain and the hardship and the cracks and the bruises that are inevitable on the journey to success. 

I personally think the lack of time means more focused time. This time crunch allows you to realize that there is a difference between a plan B and compromise. With such little time, you are forced to think critically and challenge yourself and figure out the right questions to ask and to whom to ask. This crunch time gives you direction. With such little time, you have none to wallow in self-pity when you fail. If one plan fails you have to come up with a new idea that's just as good or better because you know from your failure that this is the only way your goal can be accomplished. Getting close to achieving your dream gives you motivation like nothing else, so compromise is no longer an option. 

    So my darling September, embrace September and all its possibilities. If I have learned anything, it is that everything in your life is what you make it. Take the rest of the year by the horns and look cute while doing it. I am rooting for you and me both.

                      Love ya,

                                                                                                                                                 Nini

The Toxicity of Competition

Dear September,

This is the one where I tell that competition can be extremely toxic. This may seem like a weird or unusual take, but I assure you it is a valid one. We live in an environment and a space that uses the concepts of ‘competition’ and ‘success’ synonymously.

It is appropriate to associate the two concepts with one another but I'm not confused. Competition often equals success but there are so many other additions, subtractions, multiplications and divisions that are absent from that equation. Also, people choose to ignore the toxicity that often comes with being competitive, which can prove problematic in the long run.

            I can't count the number of times I've had to defend myself to interviewers when they ask if I'm competitive and I truthfully answer 'no.' They often do not hear that I am not competitive in nature, they often hear 'I'm lazy' or 'I don't work hard' or 'I'm satisfied with mediocrity and being average,' which is by no means, what I'm saying. 

We live in a dog eat dog world where it is often portrayed that the only way to be successful is to be competitive and aggressive in nature, and this just is not the case. 

Before I explain why I think competition can be toxic, it is only fair to consider what one can learn from a competitive person. 

One.

             A competitive person is often successful because they go after what they want and they don't doubt themselves, which is a skill that is hard to teach.  Being competitive comes with a certain confidence and sense of self that is difficult to gain anywhere else.

Two.

            A competitive spirit is also a teachable spirit. People who are competitive are willing to do whatever it takes to acquire the knowledge, skills and attitudes and competencies to become number one. They take mentors, work extra hours and do whatever they can to gain advantage and stay two steps ahead of their peers. 

But being competitive can also lead to the loss of focus, loss of relationships, comparison and a one-dimensional identity.

Loss of focus.

           Often times, competitive people lose sight of their own dream and spend all their time looking at other people achieve their own dreams. They stop for too long and they lose momentum. Also, competitive people try so hard to convince people that they are jacks and Jills of all trades. This attitude leads to them to do a million different things at once, which leads them to produce many different mediocre outcomes instead of a few stellar ones. Over-competitveness leads to the loss of potential and I do not know what could be worse. This then leads to anger and frustration; which causes the person as well as the people around them to suffer.

Loss of relationships

          Many competitive people often get married to their jobs. They completely commit to perfecting their crafts. Often times, competitive people are strategic in the relationships they maintain. They only develop and follow up with relationships that can advance their careers. This greatly affects their personal lives and their identity outside of what they do for work. 

Competitive people often look down on people who aren't as successful as them. They begin to attach significance to people according to their level of success or what they stand to gain from having a relationship with them. If this isn't toxic, I don't know what is. 

One-dimensional identity

         People who are extremely competitive often lose sight of who they are outside of work. They give so much of themselves to their work that nothing is left for anything else. Apart from the fact that their personal life is non-existent, all their eggs are in that one basket.

Many times people who are competitive are driven by society's standards of success. People in artsy fields like fashion or music, work extra hard and are extra competitive to prove that their work is just as difficult and legitimate and respectable. In doing so, they make this their entire life. 

Comparison

        This is the biggest one. Competition inherently and inevitably leads to comparison, which as you know, is the thief of joy. Comparison often leads to one wishing they were someone else, and this is a waste of the life you live and the person that you are. Comparison makes you unappreciative of what it is that you do have and how far you have come. 

We live in a society that thrives on comparison. Social media is a prime example of how many people not only compare themselves to other people but also how they do it in the most inaccurate and unfair way possible. People often compare the beginning of their journey to another person's middle or the middle of their own journey to someone's end. Which obviously makes other people seem like they are doing a lot better than they are or that you are doing a lot worse than you really are.

Also, social media is never ever ever a true and honest appreciation of a person's existence. People compare the way they look to Instagram models and not only is this unhealthy, it is stupid and unrealistic. People... well let me speak for myself, I only post pictures or videos on my social media of days where really exciting things are happening or days where I feel a little extra confident. So my Instagram is a reflection of my best days not my entire life, and I'm sure this is true for many people. Also I, like most people on Instagram, monitor the number of likes my pictures get and the number of views my videos get and monitor the same for other people. If you claim not to do this, you are a liar. So this means that I get some validation from Instagram and that cannot be healthy.

But at the end of the day, I work to not focus all my attention on it. It is q wignificant part of my life but it's not the most important which is the only limit you can really set at the end of the day. September, I am not saying that competition is wrong but it can have some heavy consequences if it is not kept in check. Being too competitive like having too much of anything else is harmful.

I think what I am trying to say is that the most important thing is to do what you do for you and nobody else. Create your own definition of success and set goals and take steps to achieve it every single day. Do not let anyone dictate to you what your version or definition of success should be. By doing this, you create a path for yourself that is only right for you and on this path, the only competition is to a better version of yourself than you were yesterday.

Irrespective of whether you accept it or not, we are all different and nothing can change that. Copy and paste does not work in real life. If you try to copy someone else, the best you can be is a counterfeit of them. You can learn from other people but to be truly successful, you are going to have to adapt the knowledge you gain to fit your own journey. Besides, there is someone whose life depends on you achieving your God-given purpose and shinning your own light.

We are all different and we can all succeed, the earlier you accept that, the earlier you can leave all the envy and bitterness that comes from competition behind. Life is so much easier when you focus on finding your own happiness and wish others the same. The sky is most beautiful when you can spot a rainbow. 

                                                                                                                                  Lots of love, 

                                                                                                                                                   Nini