Dear September,
This is the one where I tell that competition
can be extremely toxic. This may seem like a weird or unusual take, but I
assure you it is a valid one. We live in an environment and a space that uses
the concepts of ‘competition’ and ‘success’ synonymously.
It is appropriate to associate the two concepts with one another
but I'm not confused. Competition often equals success but there are so many
other additions, subtractions, multiplications and divisions that are absent
from that equation. Also, people choose to ignore the toxicity that often
comes with being competitive, which can prove problematic in the long run.
I can't count the number of times I've had to defend myself to
interviewers when they ask if I'm competitive and I truthfully answer 'no.'
They often do not hear that I am not competitive in nature, they often hear
'I'm lazy' or 'I don't work hard' or 'I'm satisfied with mediocrity and being
average,' which is by no means, what I'm saying.
We live in a dog eat dog world where it is often portrayed that
the only way to be successful is to be competitive and aggressive in nature,
and this just is not the case.
Before I explain why I think competition can be toxic, it is
only fair to consider what one can learn from a competitive person.
One.
A competitive person is often successful because they go after
what they want and they don't doubt themselves, which is a skill that is hard
to teach. Being competitive comes with a certain confidence and sense of
self that is difficult to gain anywhere else.
Two.
A competitive spirit is also a teachable spirit. People who are
competitive are willing to do whatever it takes to acquire the knowledge,
skills and attitudes and competencies to become number one. They take mentors,
work extra hours and do whatever they can to gain advantage and stay two steps
ahead of their peers.
But being competitive can also lead to the loss of focus, loss
of relationships, comparison and a one-dimensional identity.
Loss of focus.
Often times, competitive people lose sight of their own dream
and spend all their time looking at other people achieve their own dreams. They
stop for too long and they lose momentum. Also, competitive people try so hard
to convince people that they are jacks and Jills of all trades. This attitude
leads to them to do a million different things at once, which leads them to
produce many different mediocre outcomes instead of a few stellar ones. Over-competitveness
leads to the loss of potential and I do not know what could be worse. This then
leads to anger and frustration; which causes the person as well as the people
around them to suffer.
Loss of relationships
Many competitive people often get married to their jobs. They
completely commit to perfecting their crafts. Often times, competitive people
are strategic in the relationships they maintain. They only develop and follow
up with relationships that can advance their careers. This greatly affects
their personal lives and their identity outside of what they do for work.
Competitive people often look down on people who aren't as
successful as them. They begin to attach significance to people according to
their level of success or what they stand to gain from having a relationship
with them. If this isn't toxic, I don't know what is.
One-dimensional identity
People who are extremely competitive often lose sight of who
they are outside of work. They give so much of themselves to their work that
nothing is left for anything else. Apart from the fact that their personal life
is non-existent, all their eggs are in that one basket.
Many times people who are competitive are driven by society's
standards of success. People in artsy fields like fashion or music, work extra
hard and are extra competitive to prove that their work is just as difficult
and legitimate and respectable. In doing so, they make this their entire
life.
Comparison
This is the biggest one. Competition inherently and inevitably
leads to comparison, which as you know, is the thief of joy. Comparison often
leads to one wishing they were someone else, and this is a waste of the life
you live and the person that you are. Comparison makes you unappreciative of
what it is that you do have and how far you have come.
We live in a society that thrives on comparison. Social media is
a prime example of how many people not only compare themselves to other people but
also how they do it in the most inaccurate and unfair way possible. People
often compare the beginning of their journey to another person's middle or the
middle of their own journey to someone's end. Which obviously makes other
people seem like they are doing a lot better than they are or that you are
doing a lot worse than you really are.
Also, social media is never ever ever a true and honest appreciation
of a person's existence. People compare the way they look to Instagram models
and not only is this unhealthy, it is stupid and unrealistic. People... well
let me speak for myself, I only post pictures or videos on my social media of
days where really exciting things are happening or days where I feel a little
extra confident. So my Instagram is a reflection of my best days not my entire
life, and I'm sure this is true for many people. Also I, like most people on
Instagram, monitor the number of likes my pictures get and the number of views
my videos get and monitor the same for other people. If you claim not to do
this, you are a liar. So this means that I get some validation from Instagram
and that cannot be healthy.
But at the end of the day, I work to not focus all my attention
on it. It is q wignificant part of my life but it's not the most important
which is the only limit you can really set at the end of the day. September, I
am not saying that competition is wrong but it can have some heavy consequences
if it is not kept in check. Being too competitive like having too much of
anything else is harmful.
I think what I am trying to say is that the most important thing
is to do what you do for you and nobody else. Create your own definition of
success and set goals and take steps to achieve it every single day. Do not let
anyone dictate to you what your version or definition of success should be. By
doing this, you create a path for yourself that is only right for you and on
this path, the only competition is to a better version of yourself than you
were yesterday.
Irrespective of whether you accept it or not, we are all
different and nothing can change that. Copy and paste does not work in real
life. If you try to copy someone else, the best you can be is a counterfeit of
them. You can learn from other people but to be truly successful, you are going
to have to adapt the knowledge you gain to fit your own journey. Besides, there
is someone whose life depends on you achieving your God-given purpose and
shinning your own light.
We are all different and we can all succeed, the earlier you
accept that, the earlier you can leave all the envy and bitterness that comes
from competition behind. Life is so much easier when you focus on finding your
own happiness and wish others the same. The sky is most beautiful when you can
spot a rainbow.
Lots of love,
Nini
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