"Style: because your personality isn't the first thing people see"

Dear September,

            This is the one where I tell you to focus all your attention on your style not on fashion because your personality isn’t the first thing people see. Your style should be intentional and deliberate, it should send a message and tell a story, because it does. Whether it is telling your story or not, the way you look always tells a story.

            Iris Apfel, my spirit animal is popular for saying “more is more, and less is a bore.” I think this assertion is important for three reasons. First, because the other popular saying is “less is more,” which means that women should strive to look good but in an effortless, subtle, demure way. This assertion signifies a woman giving permission to other women to express themselves without judgment. It gives them permission to dress how they want not how they think they should dress.

Second, this assertion is important because it encourages creativity and open-mindedness. People often find what works for them and stick to it, with what they wear and how they live. Which is not wrong but it is basic and a waste of the magic that they possess, and not too mention, no fun at all.

Third, Iris Apfel will be ninety-five in a week. This is an important detail because we live in a society that attaches a certain stigma and shame to age. Being young is often synonymous with looking good. Iris Apfel is living proof that, as cheesy as it sounds, age is nothing but a number and true style never dies. Women, especially, begin to dress different when they get older. They feel it is their responsibility to look conservative and dress a certain way. Now, I agree with adapting your style to the stage of life you are in. What I disagree with is looking like a hag at 35 and giving the excuse that you are a now a mother. By all means wear more “respectable” clothes when you become a mother if that is what makes you comfortable but life does not lose color when you have a child or reach a certain age and neither should you. By making this statement, Iris Apfel dispels this notion that women especially have to dress a certain way when they become a certain age.

            Style has so much more to offer than fashion ever will…

Courage.

            This is the ability to do something that frightens one. This quality is the very essence of true style. Style involves taking risks, and being comfortable with these risks inevitably spills over into every aspect of one’s life. Admittedly, this may feel to you, like a repetition of the points I raised with “self-confidence” but I assure you, there is a very important difference between the two. Self-confidence is “I can pull off this outfit.” Courage is “this outfit is different but I am going to wear it despite the fact that I may be criticized or judged.” Self-confidence does not care about opinions; courage does but chooses to live through the opinions and judgment. “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to process inspite of it, while self-confidence is a faith or certainty in your ability to do something.” Self-confidence is affected by failure and defeat and obstacles but; courage is not. Style thrives on self-confidence but it requires courage to persevere.

Resilience

            Resilience is the quality of and the ability to return to an original shape after being pulled, stretched, presses, bent, etc. Having true style requires that you accept the fact that many times people will disagree with your choices and bully you for it. When you make an unpopular choice, it is likely to make basic people feel uncomfortable. Resilience is understanding the fact that people will have opinions but they can only affect you if you let them. Granted, we are all human, so we are susceptible to feeling hurt but to be successful and make the most of life, you cannot afford to dwell on these feelings. Feeling less as a result of another person’s words is a waste of time and no one deserves to have that much power over you. It is the people who have nothing to invest in, that offer their two cents so willingly.

Authenticity.

            As Ralph Lauren once said “Style is personal, it has nothing to do with fashion.” I think this assertion just reiterates the fact that style, true style is intertwined with authenticity. Being authentic is representing one’s true nature or beliefs, being true to oneself. Authenticity cannot be faked or bought. You are either one way or not; there is no grey area. Style is personal, not in the sense that it cannot be shared but rather in the sense that it does not need to be validated by anyone else.

            Iris Apfel once said “when you don’t dress like everyone else you don’t have to think like everyone else.” This means that by choosing to not to live by following trends, you choose to live life outside the box and away from your comfort zone, always two steps ahead. This means that when you embody a style that is truly yours and authentic, you won’t be expected to be fashionable. Being fashionable is being able to follow trends, being stylish allows you to set the trends for other people to follow. Being stylish comes with a sense of maturity, which comes

            It is important to know that being authentic often requires you to be unconventional, which would most likely be met with some resistance. People will call you weird and strange and quirky… if they are kind. However, it is important to stick to it and give it time because soon enough those people will follow suit. Many people start out following their hearts but many also become too weak to keep fighting for what they believe in, so they give in to what is popular. They forget that what is popular often changes, and it is the people who choose a path and persevere and stick to it that end up being recognized.

            September, before I leave you I feel like I need to clear something up. Throughout this whole series, I feel like I have been saying to follow your heart and ignore what other people to say about your choices, which I stand by wholeheartedly. However, I think it is important to point out that you should also remember to dress the way you want to be addressed. Be flexible and open-minded. Do not blend in but do not look like a damn parrot, in the name of style. Be conscious and deliberate with your life, let your style be reflective of the person you are and the journey you are on. You are going to be judged regardless of what you wear or who you are so you might as well do what makes you happy. Following fashion trends religiously is the caterpillar to the butterfly that is wishing you were someone else and “to wish you were someone else is to waste the person that you are.”

Love, 

         Nini