The Last One... I promise

Dear September,

            This is the one where I talk about Brooke Davis for the last time... I promise. This is the last one and it’s a good one… I think. The most important quality that Brooke Davis possessed was the fact that she was empathetic. I think this is the most important quality because it is what made her human and it is what enables us relate with her. She seemed so perfect and capable of all these noble and honorable and good qualities but turns out she is human after all… Ok, Enjoy!

·      Be Empathetic

Brooke Davis like most other women was extremely emotional. Now, let me quickly clear up what I mean by 'emotional'. This is no way means that she was weak. In fact, I think this quality was what made her so strong.

I remember one incident in particular when Brooke was attacked in her store. She didn't tell her best friend because she didn't want to standing in the way of her finding love and happiness. It was this same quality that also helped her identify with Sam. Her open-mindedness and willingness to evolve, enabled her meet different people and build up her tolerance and comfort level very quickly. 
Now that you understand the context in which I use the word 'emotional', I feel a bit more comfortable using it. The qualities of being emotional and empathetic can seem conflicting at first but if you look closely, you will discover that they really aren't. Like in the case of Brooke Davis, she was emotional, in the sense that she wore her heart on her sleeve and in her relationships she was open about her feelings, even when they made her feel vulnerable. There is something to be said here because this is a very difficult quality to possess by itself. But put it in the context of Brooke being a person who was brought up in a household where she was ignored, and made to feel as though she was not worthy of love and affection and it becomes a thousand times more difficult. 

Brooke was never too engrossed in her own struggle that she couldn't be there for the people she loved. To illustrate the balance she maintained, a particular incident comes to mind. There was a time when Brooke Davis had an argument with her boyfriend. The argument basically happened because she did not want her boyfriend to move from Tree Hill to New York to pursue his dreams. It seemed selfish but she wasn't being malicious. She loved him so much that she couldn't imagine living in Tree Hill without him. But she could also not imagine leaving Tree Hill and Sam and all her other responsibilities. Which, I mean, these “responsibilities” were her friends, who were adults and perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.

More relevant to the story, in the heat of the argument, Brooke stormed out of the house and drives away in her car, so she could calm down. Oo meanwhile, there was a raging rainstorm happening at the time. Not long into her drive, Brooke came across what seemed to be an accident on the bridge. She immediately stopped and puts herself in danger before she realized it was actually her godson, Jamie and a couple of his friends in trouble. Even in her worst circumstances, she was still good and noble and brave. This proved that she was who she was for herself and not for anybody else; which I think is a valuable lesson. In the end, she called Julian to help her save Jamie and his friends. I know, so dramatic...

 I think the point of this part of her story was to reflect the fact that sometimes in life, nothing seems to be going our way and its absolute chaos. But there is hope because we have people around us who even though we fight, are always there, finding and rescuing us when we are neck deep in the sea of uncertainty that is life.

I think what the life of Brooke Davis continuously teaches and emphasizes is the importance of knowing who you are, and what and who is important to you. So be empathetic or emotional or both, be human, be you and enjoy it. Change what you don't like but don't strive for perfection, because perfection is an illusion. Embrace the fact that you are beautiful and strong and capable, flaws and all. You possess a magic that is unrepeatable, it is all your own. You owe it to yourself to be the version of you that you can be. This is not a dress rehearsal and there are no second takes. Do what serves you well and make the best of being exactly who you are; because it is the rarest opportunity and the biggest blessing you will ever receive.

                                                                                                Cheers,

                                                                                                            Nini

Yup I Know... She's still here

Dear September,

Yup I know… she’s still here. This is the one where we are still talking about Brooke Penelope Davis.

Ok, go!

-       Be Kind

o   Brooke Davis was a kind girl. In the purest and truest sense of the word. Again, she wasn’t always this way or should I say, it wasn’t always easy to see. However, once she realized that being kind wasn’t a sign of weakness, and vulnerability wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, she became more comfortable with the idea. Time and time again, Brooke put her friends and family first.

The single act of kindness that stands out in my mind was Brooke’s decision to move to Tree Hill from New York to support her best friend, Peyton Sawyer (story for another day). Now to give you some perspective, at the time, Brooke Davis was spearheading a multi-million dollar clothing company. If you know anything about the fashion industry, you will know that New York is literally the perfect location. What’s more, it is extremely difficult to get to a place where you are known and respected in New York especially. Brooke Davis knew these details all too well, when she made her decision to move to Tree Hill, a little town in the middle of nowhere.

Granted, moving to Tree Hill ended up being an amazing decision for Brooke but it definitely was not, at the time. One thing about Brooke Davis was that, she never let her dreams get bigger than her heart. Brooke was kind in such a pure and honest way that she was genuinely surprised every single time, someone else showed her the same kindness.

Kindness was never a huge deal to Brooke Davis. Giving up her career seemed just as easy to her, as smiling at a stranger. She even agreed to be a foster parent to a teenage girl called Sam, at one point. This was a typical reflection of the fact that Brooke always looked for the good in people, no matter how hard she had to work to find it, and boy did Same make it hard. In Sam’s case, I lost count of how many times she messed up and how many chances Brooke gave her. Brooke was willing to compromise her own safety and happiness to protect Sam. It is quite ironic but I think, Brooke was this way because, she identified with Sam. She knew that all Sam needed was some attention, an example, someone to look up, who was constant and consistent in their commitment to her. Basically, a person who was always in her corner and never gave up on her.

Before Sam, Brooke took on the responsibility of caring for a little girl called Angie, when she moved back to Tree Hill. Brooke heard Angie’s story through an adoption agency, and knew immediately that she had to help. Angie, was a six month old infant who had multiple holes in her heart. But her parents were too poor to fix it. Without the surgery Brooke organized, Angie would have died. So Brooke volunteered her time, effort and money to help Angie. She flew her to Tree Hill to see a specialist. She cared for her throughout the surgery and recovery process and sent her back home to her family when she became well. All this while, Brooke was fully aware of the fact that, Angie would never be able to return the favour but she did it anyway.  

Brooke’s huge heart was her strength, even though sometimes it seemed to her, like a weakness.

Brooke Davis (part two of... haven't decided yet)

Dear September,

Just like I promised, this is the one where I tell you more about Brooke Davis. She is just so inspirational to me and I think that she truly embodies what it means to be a woman, flaws and all. Ok, let’s get into it…

-       Be Original

o    Brooke Davis is so clear in my memory because of her originality and her authenticity and just her ability to be true to herself no matter what. She never compromised on her true self or caved in to the pressure to fit in. While it would be noble and perfect to think of her in this way, the truth is that, Brooke like many people, took a while to fully grasp the blessing of being exactly who she is. In high school, Brooke like many girls, craved attention and because of her dysfunctional household, she depended on this attention. However, after high school, Brooke realised that, in order to survive in the real world, she needed to be exactly who she was. She finally needed to accept who she was and stop depending on people for validation. Brooke discovered the confidence one has, when they know they are the only one who brings a certain element to the table. She realised that originality and authenticity bring value. Being original is being creative and innovative. Being original is being aware of current trends but being courageous enough to set your own. Being original is being just as willing to take the road less travelled. Being original enables you to be excited not frightened by the unknown, because you know that whatever challenges you encounter, you will make them your own. Being original enables you to take risks and enjoy them. It is extremely important to love exactly who you are, because although it can feel like a burden, it is what created a magic about you, one that is just your own. If you copy someone else, you cheat yourself and others out of the magic I speak of. Copying someone is profound, it says that you do not think that you are enough by yourself, and this is a huge lie. Avoid anyone who encourages you to be like anybody else but yourself.

I think this is a safe place to address the misconception that one cannot be original and still have mentors or role models. It is very possible to be inspired by someone and still be your own person. This is because, at the end of the day, we all have different paths and journeys even if we all hope to be happy and fulfilled in life. Having a mentor does not necessarily mean copying every action they take. Having a mentor is like establishing a solid foundation. One learns essential and fundamental principles that have worked for someone they respect in the past. Many people take the actions of people they respect, literally and out of context. Do not be a ‘copy and paste’ kind of bitch. There is value in experiencing your own journey. Some of the most effective life lessons are learned through experiencing personal failures and learning from them. The ‘copy and paste’ method exempts one from scars and the chance to be brave in the face of difficulty. Scares are proof that you have experienced life and you are living it to the fullest. They are beautiful. Copying other people removes the element of uncertainty from life, and the need to use your gut and intuition.  Essentially, being original is what makes you who you are and you shouldn’t trade this for anything else. It is the biggest blessing.

Brooke Davis is beautiful because she is her own person. She accepts the woman that she is now and constantly puts in the effort to become the woman she wants to be.

                                                                                                             Hugs and kisses,

                                                                                                                                      Nini

Brooke Davis part 1

Dear September,

            This is the one where I tell you about Brooke Davis.

In the spirit of International Women’s Day, I think reminding you of the strength and the courage and the tenacity you possess as a woman is quite appropriate. Granted, Brooke Davis was a fictional character in my favourite television show 'One Tree Hill'. So, it may seem weird to use her as a representation of what it means to be a woman. However, I do think it is appropriate because she is beautiful and brave and strong and flawed and emotional and raw; she is every woman.

I remember her because in the midst of her flaws and insecurities, she was fearless and courageous and never afraid to be the woman she always wanted to be.

Brooke Davis was the only child of a very dysfunctional household, her father spent more time on the golf course than he did with her and her mother was a resentful, bitter, venomous shopaholic. This history matters because it explains why when I met Brooke Davis she was an apple crumble. A girl with an extremely tough surface, one she had had a lot of practice building and a squashy interior. What's worse is that she had spent so much time focusing on building that exterior that she was now totally oblivious to the fact that she was crumbling on the inside.

       I identify with this because I know that like many university students, I go through phases where I am really struggling but I am more concerned with the way I appear to my family and friends, than actually getting the help I so desperately need. I try my hardest to hide when I feel the most overwhelmed. There is nothing truly comforting about pretending your problems do not exist. For the record, I do not act this way because I do not have help available. I just struggle with asking for help because I don't like feeling vulnerable and in need of "rescuing" or looking like I do not have it all together all the time. Sounds extremely stupid but it's a real struggle for a lot of people. If you are lucky enough, like Brooke Davis, you make friends and slowly you begin to feel comfortable accepting their help.

            So, I have amassed a few tips from my own experiences, friends and generally people I have had conversations with, on how to become like Brooke Davis. I found them extremely helpful and I hope you do too. (I am fully aware that these things are easier said than done but a little step everyday is better than nothing).

-       Be Brave

o   Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery is not letting your fear be bigger than your dreams. Being brave is being willing to take risks and leaps of faith towards the future you see for yourself. Being brave is being willing to do trial and error. When I think of bravery, I think of courage as well. In my mind, they are similar but not synonymous. I think one needs courage to do a brave thing. For example, if you are like me and have a crippling fear of public speaking. Then being brave is actually facing your fear and speaking in public. However courage is what helps you come to that decision. Having courage is the first step to becoming brave. Brooke Davis, in her lifetime did many brave things. However, one particular event is clear in my mind. It is the point at which she chose to give up her multimillion-dollar company in order to preserve her integrity. This is an even more respectable decision, when it is put in the context of a society that increasingly focuses on material things as means of validation. Being brave is one of many tributaries that flow into the ocean of progress and growth. In learning bravery, Brooke also learned balance. She realised that she didn’t have to be strong all the time and she accepted that vulnerability was not a sign of weakness. This was especially difficult for her because she was used to being the only person in her corner, so it was often not an option. Sometimes, bravery is realising that you are overwhelmed and being okay with it.

-       Be Resilient

o   If Brooke Davis is one thing, she is resilient. According to the Oxford dictionary, resilience is the quality of being able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult situations. Obstacles are just distractions, keep your eye on the finish line at all times because true success depends on it. Being resilient means never taking ‘no’ for an answer. Brooke Davis is proof that your past cannot define your future without your permission. She overcame so many obstacles to get to a place where she was happy and content and comfortable in her own skin. It took her a while, but she got there.

She was often attacked in the places, and by the people, that she should have felt the safest with. This led to her never learning or experiencing true love and commitment. She was so clueless that she did not realise she was standing in the way of her own happiness. Brooke spent so much time building this “perfect” persona, that when she met a man who saw through her façade, being loved by him made her feel vulnerable and open and weak, in a sense. Brooke Davis was a woman, who had been constantly let down, first by her parents and then by a series of toxic relationships, so she also had extensive trust issues. She saw the wall she had built up, as resilience. She did not realise that her resilience lied in her huge heart and her willingness to let go and forgive people when they do wrong. Her resilience was in the fact that she could still hold a place in her heart and fight for people who had abandoned her when she needed them the most.

-       Be Open-Minded

o   Brooke was always willing to evolve and move on to “the next chapter”, whether or not she knew what it was. She made plans but she was also willing to adapt to whatever challenge or obstacle life threw her way. It is very important to point out that being open-minded is very different from settling. Settling is accepting a condition or a situation, when you are fully aware that you can do better. Settling is giving up. This is completely and absolutely unacceptable. Being open-minded is accepting that you cannot have control over everything and everyone all the time. Being open-minded is realizing that your way may not necessarily be the best way, and being okay with it. Being open-minded is building a strong team around you and respecting what it is that each person brings to the table. Being open-minded is understanding that, sometimes, life happens. Brooke, from when she was a young girl, knew that she wanted children and a family. However, along the way, she discovered that she may not be able to have children. She was sad and incredibly devastated and she let herself mourn and process the excruciating pain she felt. She also did not let herself wallow in self-pity. She picked herself up and began to speak to adoption agencies. She decided to take charge of her own journey to happiness. She realised that true happiness was a destination that had many different routes. Initially, she thought being happy meant being successful, which meant having her clothing line. Unfortunately, she had to give that up and find a new version of happiness and contentment, working at a café. Happiness is a constant battle, to win, one has to be willing to keep getting back up after life knocks one down.

There are so many lessons to learn from Brooke Davis that I’m making this a two-part series. Lies!!!!! Ogbeni I’m tired ok? That being said, this concludes the first part of your introduction to our friend, Brooke Davis. Next week, I’ll finish the introduction and then it will be up to you to develop your relationship with her.

                                                                                                           

                                                                                                                  Hugs and kisses,

                                                                                                                                        Nini