Yeah it's a make up tag...

Dear September,
This is the one where I do a random make up tag... Enjoy!

Here are the questions

SKINCARE

-       How many times do you wash your face daily?

o   Twice (I don’t know, is that enough… I’m already paranoid…)

-       What skin type do you have? (dry,oily,combo)

o   Combo (my skin is special, at least that’s what I’m telling myself)

-       What is your current facial wash?

o   This Clean and Clear one I use

-       Do you exfoliate?

o   Yeah I try to

-       What brand do you use?

o   Clean and Clear

-       What moisturiser do you use?

o   Clean and Clear for my face (I feel like I should be getting paid at this point) and Vaseline for my body

-       Do you have freckles?

o   No I don’t (quite sad, my mum does though)

-       Do you use eye cream?

o   Ain’t nobody got time for that

-       Do you or did you have acne prone skin?

o   I used to but praise Jesus I don’t feel like I do anymore

-       Did you ever have to use Pro-activ?

o   Yeah, when I had acne prone skin, I pretty much tried everything…

MAKE-UP

-       What foundation do you use?

o   NARS all-day luminous weightless foundation

-       How about concealer?

o   L.A Girl pro-concealer (I know, super original)

-       Do you know your undertone colour?

o   I think the one time I got my make up done by a make up artist, she said it was yellow

-       What do you think of fake eyelashes?

o   They’re cool, once in a while

-       Did you know that you are supposed to change your mascara every 3 months?

o   Really? Well, then we are a few months out chief

-       What brand of mascara do you use?

o   I use a couple, stick with me… L’Oreal, well mostly L’Oreal but I use two or three

-       Sephora or MAC?

o   MAC!!!!!!!!!

-       Do you have a MAC pro-card?

o   Nope, what even is that?

-       What makeup tools do you use in make-up application?

o   I have a pack of e.l.f brushes, a beauty blender, a real cosmetics foundation brush and a powder puff

-       Do you use a makeup base/primer for your eyes?

o   Yeah, I use concealer as an eyeshadow primer/base

-       For the face?

o   I use this smashbox one, forget what it’s called

-       What is your favourite eye shadow (colour or shade)?

o   I think it’s my Sleek palette

-       Do you use pencil or liquid eyeliner?

o   MAC liquid eyeliner (love it, definitely a must-have)

-       How often do you poke your eyes with an eyeliner pencil?

o   Too often

-       What do you think of pigment eye shadows?

o   I’m too cowardly to use them but maybe one day

-       Do you use mineral makeup?

o   Nope

-       What is your favourite lipstick?

o   “Hug Me” by MAC. It’s this beautiful pinky-nude and I think it’s very flattering for my skin tone

-       How about lipgloss?

o   It’s this one by NYX, kinda like the lipgloss version of “Hug Me”

-       What is your favourite blush to use?

o   Don’t use blush…

-       Do you buy your makeup on ebay?

o   Not makeup but brushes, definitely brushes

-       Do you like drugstore makeup?

o   Yes honey

-       Do you go to CCO’s? (cosmetic company outlets)

o   No, not really

-       Did you ever consider taking makeup classes?

o   Do YouTube videos count?

-       Are you clumsy in putting on makeup?

o   YES!!!!! Like I think I’m a bit more clumsy than other people

-       Name a makeup crime that you hate?

o   I really hate when people don’t blend their make up.

-       Do you like colourful shades of makeup (lipstick, eye shadow) or neutral ones?

o   I like neutral makeup but I like a bold lip every now and then.

-       Which celebrity always has great make up?

o   Kim Kardashian

-       If you could leave the house using just one makeup item, what would you use?

o   Lip gloss

-       Could you ever leave the house without any makeup on?

o   When you’re in university, the question is ‘could you ever leave the house with any makeup on?’

-       Do you think you look good even without any makeup on?

o   Yeah I hope so

-       In your opinion, what is the best makeup line?

o   Hmmm… that’s a hard one, I like different make up brands for different things.

-       What do you think of makeup?

o   I love it… I think it’s fun

Everyone's free

Dear September,

This is one where I tell you a little story...

Life is interesting. This statement is a cliché and just goes over our heads, because we hear it so often. It has lost all meaning.

But really, life is interesting. I believe in the philosophy that our lives are in our hands, not in a literal sense, because our lives are in God’s hands, but more in the sense that we create our own futures. I think this is a comforting philosophy because otherwise, what is left is bleak and unimaginable. If God does not have a part to play in our destiny then everything that happens to us is as a direct result of our actions.

That being said, I used to be the type of girl that thought she was invincible, because life was somewhat easy for me. I had experienced what I thought were hard times, like just stupid teenage drama and issues at school, but never real grief. When people spoke about suffering because of loss, I saw their pain, and thought I understood it. I said mundane, meaningless things that you are supposed to say like “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I know how you feel”. When in fact, I had not even the slightest clue. And I can say that now because I have experienced loss and it is nothing like I thought it was. Real grief causes an unimaginable, excruciating pain, a burden so heavy that I can’t bear the thought and the guilt of being responsible for it as well. I depend on knowing and believing that it is part of God’s plan for me; it’s about the only thing that helps.

They say change is the only constant thing in life. When something or someone changes, we usually see it or sense it, but grief changes people in ways that are unexplainable. It’s the kind of change that you can miss if you are not paying incredible attention.

Many of the important things that happened to me in my childhood, I remember. But I don’t remember anything like I remember the day I lost a part of myself. I lost my brother, my cousin, my family. The grief came so suddenly; it was almost unexplainable. He was just gone. It wasn’t the kind that urged me to cry or be angry, it was the kind that made me feel physical pain. I became totally numb; the pain seemed so heavy a burden that my mind chose to ignore it, as a sort of coping mechanism.

I knew what was going on, but I didn’t understand it. We didn’t expect it, not even a bit and it shook us in a different way. I had so many different phases and I still go through them. There was the phase of sadness, not being able to understand what had happened and why. There was the phase of anger, still not being able to understand what had happened and why. There was the phase of questioning my faith and everything good. My life was no longer this “perfect” thing, I was no longer living on a cloud. Everything just seemed dark and void of any kind of magic. Happiness never seemed so far away. There was the phase of trying to understand if I was being punished. Because there was no way this was random, I had to have done something to warrant this kind of pain.

So, my darling September, I can’t say there’s a way to get past it or that time heals all wounds, because there isn’t and it doesn’t. The one thing this has taught me is to not think too hardly about it for my own sanity. Sometimes, my mind drifts and I get incredibly sad. I still wander and a part of me doesn’t really believe it has happened, but everyone’s free. I guess people could call it denial, but it’s my way of dealing with what happened. For a long time, I couldn’t say the word ‘death’ or the phrase ‘has died’, still have trouble, but everyone is free. Me, to deal with my grief in the way I want and those we’ve lost, to live lives absent of suffering and pain, a path that is beautiful. Everyone’s free.

Secrets for September: How to be friends with a serial killer

Dear September,

            This is the one where I tell you how to be friends with a serial killer… Ok, I know this sounds more than a bit crazy so let me start by telling you what I mean by ‘serial killer’.

            In this context, a serial killer is a person who constantly makes bad decisions and puts those around them in uncomfortable situations and does not seem to ever learn. The absolute worst.

            I was inspired to write after I had a conversation with my sisters about friends we had in the past that our parents did not approve of. In our house, once our mum spotted a friend who seemed a tad bit inappropriate, she instructed us to severe all ties with said person and that was that. It seemed like a rash decision at the time and it still does right now. But I understand now because it takes a certain level of strength, wisdom and willpower to be friends with a serial killer and not become one. The kind that you just don’t possess as a child or even a teenager. That being said, being on my own or without my parents physically here with me, has given me the maturity to think for myself and come up with ways around this situation. DISCLAIMER: Friendship is a very delicate issue and should be treated on a case-by-case basis.

Right! Here goes nothing…

·      Know who you are

o   Knowing who you are is extremely important, regardless of who you form a friendship with. Having a true sense of who you are as a person will make it very difficult for you to be swayed or influenced by another person. If you are confident and comfortable in your own skin, you will not feel the need to be someone else. In this new age of social media, this is an incredibly rare but valuable trait.

·      Pick your battles

o   There are different types of ‘serial killers’, which means that the battles and challenges for each one are different.  There is the ‘serial killer’ with a bit of a temper. To be friends with this one, you have to learn how to not engage them. Getting into arguments with these ones is an actual waste of time, just agree to disagree, whatever that means. There is also the ‘serial killer’ who cannot be serious, the perpetual clown. To be friends with this one, you have to learn the art of time management. You do not want to be hanging out with this one when you have a crap ton of work to get done. Summer, holidays, weekends are all appropriate hang out times for these ones. Do not argue with them or try and get them to be serious by inviting them over when you have work to do. Do not deceive yourself. It is difficult enough to get work done when you hang out with your regular friends.

·      Work on the things you don’t like

o   Your flaws can make you feel uncomfortable in your skin but they most definitely, are not an excuse for you to try to be somebody else. They are what make your personal journey so real and unique. One bad personality trait also does not automatically make you a bad person, incapable of redemption.  One bad day or one bad decision does not mean you have you a bad life. Embrace your flaws because if you don’t, no one else will. You cannot sell something you don’t believe. So believe that you are greatest thing since sliced bread and everyone else will.

·      Do not compare yourself to your ‘serial killer’ friend

o   Comparison is the thief of joy. Do not, for any reason, compare yourself to anybody else, especially not your ‘serial killer’ friend. Comparing yourself is an indication that you have made the other person the standard to beat. It is a decision that the other person is better than you are. Once you start, it is an incredibly difficult habit to break, save yourself the trouble, it really is not worth it. In this age of social media, your ‘serial killer’ friend often has more friends on Facebook, or more Instagram followers or a higher Snapchat score. So, keep in mind that social media is an illusion; it most definitely is not real life. The person you see on social media is perfect and perfection does not exist.  If trying to live up to a fabricated version of another person isn’t insanity, I don’t know what is. Live your life for you not your social media.

·      Do not depend on them for anything

o   You should only take advice or help from people who are capable. You should study a person’s life journey and path before you listen to what they have to say. Do not take advice from every Tom, Dick and Harry that offers it. It’s common sense really. If your ‘serial killer’ friend is always late, do not ask them to drive you to church. If you do, it’s one of two things. One, being on time for church is not important to you. Or, two you are willing to give up your values and your own definition of what is acceptable for theirs. Do not ask your extravagant, frivolous friend to keep money for you. Do not ask your slutty friend for fashion advice. Close your mouth, yes I said ‘slutty’, I mean sure I can say ‘sexually extroverted’ or ‘flirty’ if that makes you feel more comfortable but we both know what you really think.

·      Do not compromise

o   Do not compromise on your values and be vocal about what you believe in. Do not hide who you are or be filtered to make someone else feel more comfortable. That’s utter bullshit. A friendship that will last is one in which both parties have established a level of respect and honesty with one another. If you are not comfortable with sex or alcohol or drugs, say so. If they stop being friends with you for it, then you were never friends to begin with. Stop and think about this for a second, if someone needs to be drunk or high to hang out with you and have a good time, that, my friend is a problem. That’s a huge red flag. Know your limits and do not compromise on them. A person who expects you to change who you are for them is disrespectful and not worth a second of your time.

Now, Septemeber, I think it’s important for us to establish the difference between a serial killer and a purely toxic relationship. A serial killer is harmless to you until you give them the power but a toxic relationship is harmful all round.  A toxic relationship is one in which the other person just brings out the worst in you. Toxic relationships are sometimes abusive. Abuse can be physical or mental, both of which are horrible and unacceptable on any and all levels. A serial killer’s habits have the potential to unconsciously rub off on you but not without your permission. With a ‘serial killer’ you have a significant amount of the control but in a toxic situation, the power, authority and control is often taken out of your hands.

Basically, it is safe to say that a serial killer has more negative character traits than positive ones. They often seem to be lost causes, more trouble than they are worth.  So, the natural impulse would be to avoid said people, but I think this precisely, is the problem that leads to the cycle. Serial killers enter into a plethora of bad relationships, corrupt more people and it just keeps going. Most serial killers can be redeemed with a few good relationships where they feel heard and a few good examples to refer to. Besides, I also think it’s our responsibility to be non-judgmental and to do our best to help, even if it’s just by silently setting a good example.

Ok,… I feel like I’ve rambled enough, hope this helps.

                                                                                                            Hugs and kisses,

                                                                                                                                    Nini