Dear September,
This is the one where I tell you that
it is possible to change and evolve and grow and adapt and still be the person
you are. I think this is important to talk about because it is the beginning of
the year where people tend to set goals that they hope to accomplish in the
year. It is important to talk about this now because people often get so
carried away with trying to achieve perfection that they miss the magic they
possess as individuals. People focus so extensively on correcting all their
flaws, that they become oblivious to what makes them special and seem willing
to give it up. And honestly, I can’t say that I blame anyone for feeling this
way. You see, we live in a world that is weirdly obsessed with perfection but it is
also a world that constantly tells us that we are special and we are capable of
anything. This is noble and good and amazing but it also then unconsciously leads to us never
being satisfied with who we are. We automatically want to be better and more
perfect, whatever that means. We begin to believe that what makes us
special isn’t our individuality, it isn’t who we are but what we have. We are a
society so obsessed with materialism that being yourself and holding on to what
makes you truly happy has become old-fashioned.
So, I guess this is a guide to
authenticity and I hope this acts as a reminder that change is good and
important but staying true to who you are is just as good and important and
valuable.
Ok, so here are few ideas on how to strike that
balance.
Friends
"Oo you've changed"... if you have never
been hit with one of these by a person who you consider a friend, then you are
doing something wrong. There's always going to be people who want you to stay
in the same position forever and they are toxic. They are toxic because make no
mistake, they do this because it serves them and them alone. People who get
uncomfortable or annoyed when you change and grow and evolve, are people who
think that they are entitled to you, your time and resources. This is weird and
absurd and frankly, insulting. So, no, you're not crazy. It is your duty in
this new year to have an honest conversation with such people or cut them out
of your life completely. Besides some friends are meant to teach you something,
and are only meant to be in your life for a period of time; so don't force it or
beg anyone to stay. It is your duty to surround yourself with people who want
the best for you. Friends who listen and are there for you but friends who also
challenge you and push you harder than you can push yourself. Friends who will
help you change and evolve and grow but who are also in a position where they
can be honest enough to tell you if you begin to lose sight of who you are.
Mentors
I am sure you have heard me say before
that your friend cannot be your mentor but your mentor can become your friend.
This basically means that a mentor should start out as a mentor. You should actively select a person you think can be valuable to you and your journey and begin to
establish a relationship with them. This relationship can blossom into a
friendship but it should not start this way, as opposed to a friendship which
should not be forced but allowed to blossom organically.
A mentor needs to be able to tell it
like it is because they have nothing to lose. A mentor should be a person who
shouldn't feel like they need to sugarcoat the truth. They should be someone
you respect enough to value their opinion and they should be someone worthy of
that kind of respect. They should have a wealth of knowledge and expertise in
an area you are interested in. I think it is important to point out that a
mentor should not be a person whose life you use as a roadmap for your own
journey. May seem obvious, but just in case, I’ll just say that your journey
may seem very similar to another person's, but it is not. The mere fact that
you are not the same person as the next is enough of a difference. A
mentor's life and journey should not be the copy to your paste. A mentor is
good for tips and tricks and ways to avoid common mistakes that people make. But
know that mistakes are good and a lot of the time, the mistakes that are unique
to you are the ones that end up defining our journey.
Reflection
The only way to see if you have become
a person you don't recognize is to look into a mirror. I would say start
writing a diary but that can be quite time consuming. So, a better idea would
be to summarize your day every day with a sentence of two. This way, you can
actively think about your day and what you like and what you don't, what you
achieved and didn't achieve. Also, it will be fun, not just at the end of the
year but at the end of each week, to see how much you have grown. It is also a good way to hold yourself accountable and ensure you don't get lost in all the
dreaming.
Friends and mentors can also be quite
important and influential in the reflection process. The right friends call you
out on your bullshit but in the best possible way. Because you know that even
though it may sting in that moment, they come from a place that is honest and
genuine and wants the very best for you.
To ensure that reflection becomes a
daily habit, attach it to something you do without fail every day. It could be
exercise or coloring, it's up to you. Reflection helps you to pinpoint
certain mistakes you have made but also realize that you are not all bad. There
are obviously things that you should change but overall, the parts of you that
are good and worth keeping are more than the parts of you that made those
mistakes. Reflecting allows you to see all of you. Reflecting allows you to
forgive yourself and see the good in yourself when certain situations aggressively make it blurry. Reflection makes you happy because you see that
you are not where you want to be but you are also not where you used to be.
Failure
Failure gives you character. Failure
defines your character. Failure decides both who you are and who you have chosen
to be. It is not the failure that is significant but more so, how you react to
it. Failure can be good. Failure is often the thing that lets you know that
there is something about you that you need to change. It could be anything from
pride or a negative attitude to an ineffective study method.
Failure inspires either fight or
flight, you need wisdom to decipher which one is the better decision. When you
start something and you fail, you can decide to stay and fight and try it
again. Or you can decide to quit and try something else. It is important to
point out here that choosing to leave is not cowardly. Sometimes, courage is
knowing what is best for you, trusting your intuition and making those difficult decisions.
One of my biggest inspirations and favourite
girls, Sophia Bush once said “You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a
work in progress, simultaneously.” This is comforting to hear, especially in
the context of a world that is constantly telling us that we need to pick a
side. Being authentic is embracing your journey, being grateful for where you
are and what you have achieved while still recognizing that there is more work
to be done. So, sell all your clothes and get rid of all your excesses and
flaws but keep the green scarf because it is more than a green scarf, it is
very essence of who you are.
Happy New Year,
Nini
