Anaïs Nin once said “Had I not created my own world, I would certainly have died in other people’s.” Before I begin, can I just say that this is probably one of favourite quotes of all time, but it definitely was not love at first sight. Initially, it all felt too narcissistic, conceited, a little too self-absorbed. The realist and the cynic in me were immediately alarmed at the thought and the suggestion of living a life that ignored all the bad and negative in the world. But this was just it, the quote was not trying to suggest that there was no bad and evil in the world or that the only life worth living, was one in a bubble, devoid of any of that darkness. It is quite the opposite, it encourages one to not ignore the darkness or try to avoid it, while simultaneously reminding us of the light and choice that we do possess. We all have our own personal demons and darkness so there is no need to take on the ones of other people, no matter how close they are to us or how obliged we feel. The connotation for the word or the idea of a “bubble” is one that invokes thoughts of youth and foolishness and unrealistic expectations of the “real world,” whatever that is, but I think this quote in particular endorses a different type of bubble. A bubble for protection not separation or ignorance, one that allows you to live life and not avoid it, be aware of your surroundings but not let life make you hard or break your focus.
I think Anaïs Nin wanted us as individuals to realize the power that we have to create a world we want to live in, rather than try to cope with a world that has been created for us. I think that us as individuals are in the greatest position to create your own happiness and as we know, happiness is a journey not a destination, a choice not an ultimatum. This quote reminds us that it is our duty to continue to choose to create our own happiness and that we are enough the way we are. We all have everything we need to be happy but in the same token, happiness is a unique phenomenon to every individual. This means that trying another person’s recipe for happiness in our own broth often and inevitably leads to misery. Thus, I think that comparison can easily becomes the thief of joy and competition has the potential to quickly become toxic and unhealthy.
Matthew McConaughey won the Oscar for Best Actor at the 2014 Oscars for his brilliant performance as Ron Woodroof in the film “Dallas Buyers Club” and his acceptance speech was everything, literally one of the most inspiring ones I have ever seen. He talked about being asked too often how he is so successful but still manages to stay so happy, motivated and humble. And if I know anything about Hollywood, I know that it is one of the most difficult places to gain any level of success in, let alone staying relevant and original and maybe even happy. I also know that it is extremely competitive and it is built in such a way that comparison seems inevitable, so yes Matthew McConaughey is especially qualified to offer advice about authenticity and focus and maintaining happiness in such a toxic environment. He said in his speech that he channels all his focus and attention to the three most important things in his life. He said the three most important things in his life and world are; something to look up to, something to look forward to and someone to chase. Apart from the fact that this made for quite the emotional speech, his words also haunted me and made me re-evaluate my own life.
Like Matthew McConaughey, I look up to God. Whenever I feel confused or uncertain, I pray. Maybe I hurl out a few obscenities first, and maybe I cry a little and of course, there is always a way to blame white people but somewhere between the middle and the end, I pray. I’d love to say I pray and it instantly gives me peace and I know for sure that everything will be amazing but that is just not my experience. Sometimes I feel so distraught and uncertain and panicked that I pray because I feel like its the right thing to do and because it is better than just waiting. But I can assure that I have seen and had things happen in my life that absolutely cannot be explained through science or logic. So maybe I don’t always feel God close or I let my shortcomings and my guilt scare me into thinking God doesn’t care and I can do bad all by myself but He does and I cannot. I am also the Christian that forgets to pray when things are good but reads the Bible and prays ten times a day when I have an exam or when I need something. But God in his infinite mercy is just always kind to me and always come through. I am not joking when I say God is the plug.
Like Matthew McConaughey, I look forward to my family. I look forward to making my parents and my sisters proud more than anybody else. I know that I can fail because they love me for who I am not what I am. My family is my rock, my heart and my backbone. Because of them, I feel that my dreams are valid and it is my duty to speak up, take my place in the world and make my voice heard. I also look forward to my best friends. I look forward to conversations we have and I look forward to how much they challenge me to learn and grow and be the best version of myself. Before I met my friend, Zoë, my writing was just a hobby, I mean I had a blog and everything but in my mind, it was never going to go anywhere. When I met her, she immediately challenged me, just with the conversations we had and how seriously she took and still takes her modelling and dancing. I realized that maybe there is more uncertainty and more rejection and more red tape within the arts but there is also more freedom and more joy for me personally. I have since completed my first public reading and started writing a book and creating content for my documentary.
Like Matthew McConaughey, I chase my heroes, my mentors and role models, both in fashion and in life. People who have directly and indirectly taught me things about life. I listen to their stories and I study their journeys, I take comfort in the fact that they were all just like me, maybe even worse off but I also brace myself because I know that like them, the challenges ahead are inevitable. But even that is not so scary today, because I chase change… that’s a lie, I hate change. Well… hate is a strong word. Let’s just say change is not my favourite thing in the world but it is the only constant thing so I am consciously changing my attitude towards it. I am actively training myself to be more open-minded and give up some control because how much control do I actually have to begin with? I think there is no such thing as an ideal world, so maybe it is more about focusing on what’s important and separating what is worth worrying over from what is not, rather than creating an ideal world filled with unicorns and rainbows and cotton candy.
