Love me now

      There is something about the rhetoric and dialogue around love that makes it sound like a destination or something to aspire to, but to me, love is a journey, a part of our journey as individuals. Even when we accept that love is a journey, we are told many times and in many situations that the journey should be hard and arduous and excruciating and that we should take comfort in the destination. However, I do not agree with this philosophy, I think that love is most valuable in the present.

      Love has been morphed into this shallow, materialistic phenomenon based strictly on the physical. We live in a time where there is an ideal version of beauty that totally bypasses an entire race and it is unacceptable to me. This unrealistic standard has forced women all over the world to postpone self love and self acceptance. It has forced women to replace beauty with perfection in their minds. Beauty has never and will never be synonymous with perfection, if anything, it is quite the opposite. True beauty is in strength and endurance and in the fight to be a better person than you were yesterday. True beauty is fighting to love the body and the skin that you are in despite all the different people telling you that you are too flabby, or too boney or too dark or too light or too black to be beautiful. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be better because after all, we all have flaws, but wanting to be better involves first recognizing the good that you do have within you. Loving yourself also literally means fixing the things that you are not happy with. Many times, we read or hear messages that encourage us not to change because we are perfect. Admittedly, the message is noble, it is usually portrayed in the context of accepting your body and accepting your flaws, and this is good. But I mean you cannot wave a magic wand and make the insecurity disappear. The opposite of trying to be perfect is not ignoring all your flaws, this is unrealistic and a recipe for disaster. I mean it is probably healthy for you to acknowledge now that you will never look like Beyoncé or Kim Kardashian. If you are uncomfortable in your skin, it is also alright for you to want to make a change. Wanting to be physically attractive  or wanting to somewhat conform to society’s ideal of beauty does not make you shallow or a sell-out, it makes you human. There is no convincing a woman that she is beautiful. I mean it is a lovely compliment, and probably appreciated but until she sees what she conceives as beauty staring her back in the mirror, she will never feel it. Telling a woman she is beautiful will make her smile and make her feel good for a moment but she will only feel beautiful when she does whatever it is that she thinks she needs to do to feel that way.

    A huge part of loving yourself is taking care of the body that you are in and taking care of your mind and doing whatever it is that you think you need to. Intuition is everything. Your body always knows what it needs and when it has had enough, so listen. Stress is a clear message from your body to your mind that you have taken on too much. I know that this may sound counterintuitive but the only way I can feel less stressed and overwhelmed is to actually do what it is that is making me feel stressed. I mean I probably will watch something on Netflix but it is a waste of time because I’ll relax for a minute but I will be thinking about whatever it is that is making me stressed the rest of the time. I think the trick is to pay attention when things begin to pile up and stop with the procrastination. 

    Procrastination is also a valid thing to talk about when it comes to relationships and loving other people. I think it is just as important to love those who you love now as it is to love them at all. This is not to be morbid and this is not because you do not know how long you have with them. This is because why not. You are literally only as good as the relationships you maintain. If you have read my blog for a little while or follow me on social media, you will know that my family is my everything and I only have a few really close friends but they have my heart. I just think that you should make the people you love a priority because God has given you that responsibility. I believe that God puts people in your life for a season or for the long haul because He has a reason and a purpose. You are meant to be a blessing to them while also being blessed by them in some capacity. Also, it is important to not take these relationships for granted because it is rare to decipher the purpose for any relationship in the beginning. I think there is something to be learned from the fact that we have the relationships that God chooses and the ones He allows us to choose to be a part of. Most times, the ones we pick are the ones that end up failing or adding no value.

    In terms of being in a relationship, I am 22 and single and I have never really had a serious boyfriend, so I am probably not the best person to ask for advice but you know, I always have to give my two cents. But let us start with me, so that you are absolutely sure that I am not judging you. I think that I am single because I am just now becoming comfortable in my own skin but I am also unwilling to compromise on what and who I think is date-worthy. So basically I have what I like to call "I am not perfect but you have to be" syndrome, which I am pretty sure is not as uncommon as you would think. 

     I think it is noble to want to find the perfect person for you but I also think that there is a slim chance that the first person you give time and attention to is the one. So have those conversations and make connections, flirt but have your own back more than anything else, protect your heart but don't put up a wall. Don’t give of yourself to a person who has shown you that they don't appreciate you or are unwilling to reciprocate the gesture. Do not lose yourself in a relationship, look for someone who appreciates who you are not someone who can’t wait to make you the perfect person for them.

    Relationships are serious and difficult and exhausting and most relationships worth fighting for require a lot of patience and perseverance. I mean until you are willing to kiss a few frogs, you will not know the difference between your version of a prince and a frog. It is good to know what you want but until you put yourself out there, it will be quite difficult to find who you want. Many times, a girl is very sure of what she looks for in a guy, in theory, but until she interacts with him, in practice, she cannot know for sure. I guess what I am trying to say here is don't go to dinner with a serial killer but still keep an open mind because from what I have seen, love can happen in the most unexpected places but it could also be staring you right in the face. If you don't feel ready because you are unwilling to commit and put in the work, then take all the time you need. But don't stop or be hesitant because you feel insecure or afraid or too vulnerable and exposed because that is what being in a relationship is. So take a chance and forgive yourself if it does not go the way you want it to.