How to put your money where your mouth is

         As you know, spring has finally sprung, so the plan for the blog is to talk through a bit of spring cleaning over the next couple of weeks. Basically, I will release two articles a week (Monday and Thursday) that help de-clutter one aspect of life. This week, I have been writing about money, how to make it and how to maintain it. Speaking from my personal experiences, I know that money can be quite a difficult thing to manoeuvre, especially because in this time of millennials, money and personal financial patterns have fundamentally changed. Thus, it is important to be vigilant and adapt. On Monday, I spoke about making money moves and focused on the role of making connections and building a professional network in securing the bag. However, making money moves also means literally racking up a good amount of money in your bank account, which is what I will be speaking to in this article.

American feminist, journalist, and social political activist, Gloria Steinem once said “the truth will set you free but first it will piss you off,” so get ready because if you are anything like me, things are going to get real very quickly. Let’s start at the beginning. I think the first misconception about money that I have started trying to shake is that one needs to be in a place where they feel comfortable financially, before they can start making better financial decisions. It is just not true. It is quite the opposite actually. The best time to start is right now. Start right now. I recently started reading financial blogs and some specifically tailored to millennials and I have learned so much. The first step to breaking a cycle is to recognize that there is a cycle to begin with. After all, we repeat what we don’t repair. People think travelling to the past and doing something small will drastically change the present, but no one in the present thinks they can drastically change the future by doing something small now. **drops mic… and then picks it back up, because we are not done and I stole that from Instagram.*

You know what else works great? Making someone else responsible for your savings, someone else like your bank, trust me they won’t forget. Having your desired monthly savings leave your account every month and getting charged if you spend it, takes some getting used to but trust me, you’ll survive. As Martha Stewart says, “the more you adapt, the more interesting you become” and truer words were never said. The months where I haven’t had as much money as I expected to have are usually the months where I manage to be so efficient that I end up having some to spare at the end of the month. 

       Slowly cutting down and creating a budget can be so incredibly powerful. As American author, John C. Maxwell says “a budget is telling your money where to go, instead of wondering where it went.” I can’t tell you how many times I have wondered where all my money went and at this point, I am done, something needs to give. I mean, nobody has to eat out two times every week. I am a typical abuser of the overdraft feature on my account. The overdraft feature is for EMERGENCIES and just so I’m absolutely clear, a 20% off flash sale at Topshop isn’t an emergency. Another thing, I find that when I go shopping alone, I daydream less and it is the strangest thing, but the clothes don’t talk to me. 

Choosing to have more positive financial habits and be more of an adult lasts longer when you do it for you and nobody else. Money and personal finance is about as personal as it gets, and the journey to financial independence can be incredibly lonely. Unfortunately, everyone has to deal with their own excesses and carry their own baggage and decide when it is time to let go. Everyone wants to have a nice body and yes I am fully aware that “nice” is relative but everyone has their own definition of nice. Whatever that is, unless you work out or eat less or eat more or eat more healthy, nothing is going to change. In the same way, most people wouldn’t mind earning a six-figure salary but unless you put in the work, everything will be the same. So, I guess it is up to you to decide what is most important to you, a pair of shoes that your friends will appreciate for all of two seconds or your dream house in a couple of years. As the original #GIRLBOSS Sophia Amoruso says “money will always look better in the bank than on your feet” and as Suze Orman says “stop buying things you don’t need, to impress people you don’t even like.” Because whether you know it or not, if you have to keep buying things you cannot afford to keep someone interested in spending time with you and investing in a relationship with you, well then, guess what? They aren’t your friend honey.  

“Little things” add up. As author and one of the founding fathers of the United States, Benjamin Franklin says “beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship.” I spend the largest percentage of my income on food and clothes, so over the past month or so, I have made a conscious decision to be more mindful of how often and how much I spend on those two things. I have decided to eat more home cooked meals and to, like I say, do less shopping online and go shopping by myself. In terms of shopping (and this may sound counterintuitive or like a conflict, but it isn’t) I have also decided to invest in a couple of staple items for my wardrobe. I figure it is better to invest now than to keep having to buy a new outfit every time I have an interview or a birthday dinner or any sort out event where I need to dress up a little. I say “invest” because I’m leaving the cheapskate tendencies behind for a moment, and looking for pieces that can last at least a little while.

Give. I have literally never heard anyone say something negative about giving or regret their decision to give, so I have decided to start in my own little way. Firstly, as you may or may not know, I am a Christian, and the Christian faith encourages giving, mainly through tithes and offering. In the past couple of months, I have given the same amount every Sunday and this is a very big deal for me. In the past, I just gave what I had in my bag at the time, which would have been totally fine if it didn’t carry an air of nonchalance. I wasn’t giving certain amounts because I couldn’t afford to give more, I was giving those amounts because I hadn’t put any thought into it and it was just something I felt I had to do at the time. This is why I am very proud of the changes I have made. Plus, it is impossible to receive with a tight fist. Thus, in order to receive, one has to be willing to give. It is true that my giving habits are rooted in my faith but the theory of giving is not biblical, it is common sense. Most people are aware that they get what they put out there in one form or another. And whether or not you know, the more you hoard, the less space there is for new and positive things like the mental freedom and sense of satisfaction that comes along with giving.

Gratitude. Not like #blessed, like really taking the time to think about your life and think about all the many blessings you have to be grateful for. Because first, as Oprah says “be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more, but if you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” A grateful heart is really a magnet for miracles because it gets rid of all the negative thoughts and negative energy and makes space for positive manifestations. Don’t ever be so comfortable with your blessing that you start to take it for granted.

Oscar Wilde once said “when I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is.” And I could and totally condemn Oscar Wilde because he is a monster and how dare he suggest that money is vaguely important in life? Or there’s also the all too familiar, judgmental and hypocritical telling you something soppy and vaguely soothing like “everything will work itself out. But I mean, money is not THE most important thing, but it is pretty up there. And no, that doesn’t make me shallow or short-sighted, it makes me honest. I feel like we all could make so much progress if we just admit that money means a lot to us. Thus, I feel conversations like this are extremely important because although Gloria Steinem warns us that the truth is often a bitter pill to swallow, she also makes it a point to include the fact that it also sets you free, and any kind of freedom is always the greatest blessing and worth the risk, if you ask me.

How to make money moves part 1

     

       As you know spring has finally sprung, (I am honestly so paranoid at this point, like I worry that just writing about it is going to jinx it somehow, so please shhh… we don’t want to attract any attention), so the plan for the blog in April is to talk you through a bit of spring cleaning. Basically, I will release two articles a week (Monday and Thursday) that help you de-clutter one aspect of your life. Last Monday, I spoke about starting the de-cluttering process with you, your mind, your body and everything in between. Then I moved on to speak to nurturing mature, adult relationships and building your tribe organically. 

This week is all about making money moves. I am an original member of Cardi B’s fan club, ok? I’ve had a VIP seat on the bandwagon for a couple of years, so yeah I’m not one of you new, fair weather friends. I feel like making money moves can be broken down into two. Making money moves can be interpreted to mean making connections and taking steps to secure your place in a field, which we will be discussing in today’s article. Making money moves can also be interpreted to mean literally racking up a good amount of money in your bank account, which we will be discussing in Thursday’s article. So, it is important to learn how to leverage every career opportunity in order to drip in finesse basically. No matter how good you think your life is, every couple of months or so, it is good for you to take stock of where you are financially/career-wise and make the necessary adjustments. 

        I currently write for my personal lifestyle blog and Schick Magazine but I am also in the process of looking for permanent, full-time employment, so I am definitely not judging you. To get a clear picture of where you are right now and where you want to be and how to bridge the two, you need to make space. You need to clear out everything on your path that isn’t adding value and you need to make a few tough decisions and sacrifices to prove that you are serious and willing to attract the right people. 

       So, here’s what I have learned along the way and continue to learn because like I say, I am still on the journey. The first thing to do when spring cleaning your career is to update your resumé. It is such a simple task but it can make such a difference and is so often overlooked. If you have worked the same job for a couple of years, chances are that you haven’t been looking at other opportunities so you have the same resumé you applied to your job with. Well, it goes without saying that the resumé that worked great a couple of years ago is unlikely to be just as effective right now. If you are like me and still looking for a long-term opportunity, then there is a high chance you have several updated versions of your resumé, which is great. However, little details like grammar and tense are incredibly powerful. You also want to try your best to keep your resumé to about a page long and focus on the tasks you spearheaded and the results you achieved in each role and the information that is relevant to the specific role you are applying for. 

       Once you have updated your resumé, it is much easier to update your LinkedIn. It is important for your resumé and your LinkedIn to be in sync, if not you run the risk of confusing potential employers. The fact that you sometimes forget that you have a LinkedIn profile is no excuse because employers definitely remember, I’ll tell you that much. Speaking of social media, most times, I bet your social media accounts can use a little clean up too. I started getting social media accounts when I was about thirteen years old, and I am currently twenty-three, needless to say that a few things are different and I have put out some things that I would like to forget, unfortunately, the internet does not forget. So, it is important to take things into your own hands and delete/deactivate all social media accounts that you no longer care for.

If you have read my blog for a little while, then you know that I am probably the most awkward girl in the room. Thus, I find that working on my elevator pitch as often as possible, especially before any networking or work-related event, really does help. An elevator pitch is essentially a thirty-second breakdown of your skills and experience adapted to the person you are presenting it to. Sounds easy enough but you never know how much work your elevator pitch does or does not need until you practice. A great elevator pitch at a networking event can get you a contact that will literally change the course of your career permanently. I used to think that people who are gainfully employed didn’t need to make time for networking events and follow up after because they just didn’t need it, you know? Well, no. At networking events, there are significantly more people with jobs than without. Apparently, unless you are Richard Branson and you own your own private island or you have Beyoncé/Jay Z money… and even then, there are still opportunities at every level and people who have access to resources you could do with. Thus, learning and mastering the art of working a room is incredibly essential to success. You need to be able to identify potential collaborators and opportunities and articulate to the people what value you can add in as little time and with as little risk for them as possible.

Working a room and scouting collaborators is no longer limited to your 9 to 5, because no one wants to be a struggling artist anymore. At networking events, I find that more and more people are boldly discussing their passions and investing their time in interests and hobbies that do not directly serve their 9 to 5. People who possess true talent in an artistic field, now leverage those skills in the marketplace. Skills that were totally ignored and put on the back burner to be attended to at an unspecified time, are now taking centre stage because at the end of the day, you decide how the world views the value you can add. Sometimes passions only have hobby potential and no real financial viability but people are more willing and courageous enough to take the small chance that therein lies their true success and real happiness. After all no one is asking you to quit your day job and there is no real reason why you can’t do a few different things at once.

Do some reflection. As my girl, musician and inspirational woman Alicia Keys says “destroy the idea that you have to be constantly working or grinding to be successful, embrace the concept that rest, recovery and reflection are essential parts of the progress towards a successful and ultimately happy life.” I think this is particularly important because there is this notion that somehow following your dreams and gaining any sort of success has to be incredibly stressful and everyone seems to be so obsessed with the idea of looking busy. I am fully aware that chasing your dreams CAN be stressful but it doesn’t have to be. Being stretched thin or having no time to do relaxing things should not be a trophy or a thing to hold over other people or a thing to be ashamed of either, it should be something to work on. I want to reach a place in my career where I am proud of what I have accomplished but I never want to reach a place where my career is the only thing I am proud of.

I love women like Solange and Alicia Keys because they inspire authenticity and living your truth. These gorgeous, Black women have created their own lane and stuck to pursuing their own individual definitions of success, no matter how many time society and popular culture have tried to dictate to them what they should aspire to. I mean Solange does not have to look far at all, she is Beyoncé’s younger sister. However, she has managed to do her own thing! She has managed to be her own person and live her life the way she deems fit. There is really something to be said for making your own rules and no one knows that better than my girl, Cardi B. Before her, female rap’s reigning champ, Nicki Minaj had no real competition. And I mean, Cardi B is the first one to address her haters but even her haters know that she is winning and you absolutely cannot knock her hustle. So, I hope you get your current accolades in order and get more accolades. As you know, I am rooting for you and me both.

How to grow and nurture ADULT relationships

As you know spring has sprung, (she wrote… as she sat on her bed in Toronto, Canada, where the weather gods had apparently not gotten the spring memo, but you know? If you live anywhere else, like say London, don’t let us stop you from living your best SPRING life!), so the plan for the blog in April is to talk you through a bit of spring cleaning. Basically, I will release two articles a week (Monday and Thursday) that help you de-clutter one aspect of your life. Last week I spoke about starting the de-cluttering process with you, your mind, your body and everything in between. As my girl Solange says “when you take care of yourself, you are a better person for others, when you feel good about yourself, you treat others better,” and I literally could not agree more. One has to sort through the messy personal stuff and take stock, before they can make emotional or physical space for anyone else. One has to set their standards and live religiously by them for a bit of time before they can attract the type of people who will too.

This week, on the blog, I will be discussing how to grow and nurture mature, ADULT relationships and how to build your tribe organically. Humans are naturally tribal, the history of our  tendency as humans to gather in groups, dates as far back as history itself and we have been struggling to “fit in” ever since. Over the past year or two, I have had to learn the hard way that you just don’t need that many friends to lead a happy existence and of course, now I’ve gone and overdone it. I have become quite the picky Paula when it comes to friendship and I can report that I’m in a much happier head space. That is, until both my friends are busy and then I worry that as a 23 year-old, I should have more people who think I’m cool and want to hang out with me. So naturally, I thought I should share a few tips on how I built my tribe organically and what I have learned about myself and people in general on my journey… that is not over, but whatever, we understand each other.

I think pretty early on in my self-awareness journey, I learned the difference between flaws that are harmful and toxic and unacceptable and ones that just happen because we are all human after all. As my girl Gabrielle Union says “when we learn to be painfully, imperfectly ourselves, we also learn to have a lot more patience and compassion for the imperfections of others.” I cannot stress enough that it starts with you through, it starts with you making the commitment to be the best version of yourself and putting in the work. It starts with embracing and owning your own flaws. But again, in practising the art of compassion, we must remember that we are the most important ones and it is a waste to spend one’s life trying to change that of another. As you get more comfortable in your own skin, you are able to identify toxic character traits quicker and decide whether or not it is worth it to stick it out. Note that there are always people who will think your standards are too high and you’re too rigid but hear me when I say, these people are absolutely NOT for you. The people for you are more than willing to go through the 78945 loopholes they need to go through to support you. Wanting to be treated with respect and empathy is not expecting people to be perfect, not by a long shot.

Good, functional, reciprocal relationships are extremely powerful and have the ability to serve every other aspect of one’s adult life. Good, functional, nourishing relationships are to many, an indication of success. Hollywood it-girl Gwyneth Paltrow defines success as having and maintaining “relationships that function well,” because “without relationships of quality, one is hardly successful.” Health isn’t just about what you are eating, it’s about what you are thinking and saying too, which nothing has more of an impact on what you think and say than the people you constantly interact and engage with. A relationship, any relationship, every relationship is a two-way street, so it is imperative that one be as involved and as hands-on as possible. As the late Maya Angelou said “nothing will work unless you do.” Organically building a tribe involves making the effort with a person or people and showing up as many times as you need, to know without doubt, whether or not engaging with them continuously adds value to your existence. “And like I say, every relationship is a two-way street, so if someone wants to be with you or be a part of your life, they’ll make it happen too. Actions speak louder than words and at some point you will get tired of justifying their actions. You deserve the kind of love and the kind of relationship where you receive as much as you give. If someone in your life is not willing to work towards that kind of love and that kind of relationship, then it is ok to leave them. Remember that you are worth more than second thoughts and “maybes”.” (as seen on @worldstar Instagram page).

       Cherish the people in your life who tell the truth and tell you the truth. People who are honest about where they are and honest with you about what they think about your own situation, are to be valued. I love a ‘yes’ man as much as the next girl, but they really aren’t good for much of anything. You know what is really funny to me is the fact that boys, especially somewhat popular boys, always have yes men but it is never the case with girls. Thus, I value my relationships with my girls who don’t buy into society’s need and desire to pit girls against one another. The type of arguments or tension I have literally zero-tolerance for are the ones that have to do with boys. I can’t even be bothered. I will not, in this life or the next, fight or compete with another girl for a boy’s attention because that to me is just despicable and reflective of a lack of self-worth and self-respect. 

I have also been in toxic friendships where all they did was criticize me, but get this, they were so good at doing it and justifying their criticism. Because you know? they want me to win and the journey to true success requires thick skin and resilience. Just so you don’t get sucked into this, here’s a quick and easy way to differentiate between constructive and destructive criticism; Constructive criticism points out a problem and subsequently offers a solution, destructive criticism is materialistic, surface-deep, compares and contrasts, and often uses one person’s (usually them) journey and success to measure another’s. Because as Angelina Jolie says “it is too easy for people to say that you are going the wrong way when it is simply a way of your own,” but as Viviana Serna says  and I know it sounds a little soppy, “we are all created so beautifully unique, to compare is completely useless.”

Get comfortable with saying no and setting boundaries… because not everyone who is friendly to you, needs to be your friend and the fact that they are a member of your family does not give them the right to compromise your mental health. I’ll admit that it is much easier to say no when you know for sure that someone or something or a certain situation is wrong for you but unfortunately that hardly ever happens. Most days, all you have is your gut and your instincts. So keep your antenna up and do the work. As Chelsea Manning says “read everything, ask your own questions, be your own filter.” Do as much ground work as is needed to make you comfortable with your decision to nurture a relationship or let go. Read everything, pay attention, because 99% person of what a person is saying to you is not coming out of their mouth. But don’t get obsessed. Make sure your doubts are rooted in pursuing your instincts to protect yourself, and not just fanning the flame of your incredibly self-involved need to have as much control as possible over everything in your life, as possible. It shouldn’t be so difficult because “as you get older, you can energetically feel the difference between people who love you and those who care at their own convenience.” When you love who you are, you know what you bring to the table, thus when it is unappreciated or taken for granted, you know to walk away. But as Solange says, “self-love is really a foundation for everything and however you practice or express that is so important.” In relationships it is uncomfortably easy to get lost and forget who you are as an individual, that’s why self-love is so essential. According to an article published by Cosmopolitan South Africa, self-love helps one speak up when they feel something’s off. And many times, when there is this kind of confrontation in a relationship, one person (usually the girl) is labelled difficult and rude and selfish but it is really not selfishness as much as it is plain, old, healthy honesty… try it, I dare you.

Brutal Honesty => Self-Awareness => Mindfulness

       As you know spring has sprung, (she wrote… not knowing what would happen this weekend in Canada, but you know? If you live anywhere else, like say London, don’t let us stop you from living your best SPRING life!), so the plan for the blog is to talk you through a bit of spring cleaning. Basically, I will release two articles a week (Monday and Thursday) that help you de-clutter one aspect of your life. As this is the first article in this series, I am starting with you… and me, you and me both. I feel that in too many circles, mental health and wellness is brushed under the carpet and secretly prayed away. And trust me, I believe in prayer, I believe prayer is extremely powerful and has the ability to do incredible things. However, I also believe that there are things you can do to control the energies around you and steer your mind in the right direction. I believe that there are always things beyond our control, and some days where you are just going to feel shit, but there are ways to reduce anxiety and stress and foster overall better health, and I think this is worth a conversation.

Daniel Chidiac once said “Being self-aware is not the absence of mistakes, but the ability to learn and correct them.” Self-awareness is a conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires. Social media, Instagram especially, has made it way too easy to compare and measure your life based on someone else’s and convince yourself that you are the only on who struggles, and I mean… it is just not true. I could talk about “oh you should have more mind power and self-restraint,” but it is addictive, it is like picking a spot on your face. Literally everyone says “leave it alone, focus on something else” but no. Every chance you get, you go back to the same spot, no matter how sore it becomes, or how much it bleeds. You pick it. You pick it until it becomes this life-sucking entity, thriving and blossoming on your face, and then you slap an absurd amount of makeup on to cover it up because you know? you haven’t given it enough attention already. 

I am guilty of this and trust me when I say I excel at fabricating stories in my head that are 100% false, but I convince myself are true, and you know? somehow everyone except me, is just badass and kicking ass at life 100% of the time. It is just such trash, but it has the ability to ruin my mood for a good couple of days at least, because nothing I’m doing at that point feels as special or inspiring or impactful as what I see my friends doing and achieving on Instagram. Ok, but to the good part of the story. I am not better at leaving my spots alone but I am better at catching myself when I am going down the Instagram-comparison downward spiral and this is what self-awareness is. It is not becoming more perfect, not by a long shot, it is about knowing yourself better. It is about abandoning this notion of perfection that we are sold so frequently. It is paying attention to yourself and learning your patterns and knowing your triggers and understanding what brings you back to reality the quickest. For me, it is talking to the people around me, you know? REAL people, with scars and spots and  stretch marks and flabs and jiggles not the six-filter, $10,000 surgery versions of them on social media.

Billie Jean King, American former World number 1 professional tennis player once said “I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion.” This struck me because I would expect someone like her to talk about mastering your opponent or training as hard and as often as you can, which I don’t doubt that these things are important, but she thinks self-awareness is the most important thing. Being a champion inherently means that you have failed, multiple times. Being a champion just means you have gotten up and learned from all the mistakes you have made. Winning is not the absence of losing or failure, it is the mastery of failure. Winning is failing better. Winning is failing as many times as you need to, to know a situation better, and better than that, know yourself a little better in that situation. The only way you can actually fail is to accept defeat in your mind because at that point there is no reason to put in any effort. The universe is going to conspire to give us what we put out, good or bad. You see? The mind is extremely powerful. Getting to where you want to be in any thing in life starts with your mind whether you know it or not. Once you conquer something in your mind, that’s at least half the work done.

De-cluttering your mind is such a powerful tool. While some people naturally have their shit all the way together 100% of the time and that’s lovely, I am not of those people, so yeah… I need the help, and it is totally fine if you do too. So like I say, self-awareness starts with being brutally honest with yourSELF. Be honest, be absolutely honest about where you are, and how your negative thoughts about yourself have maybe contributed to, and held you back from getting to where you want to be. Once you feel clear about the blocks, you can begin to clean them up to make space for positive manifestations to occur. Example. I have a really hard time believing I am an intelligent human being with lots to offer. I went to the University of Toronto and graduated with Honors, I have this blog that I have done almost consistently for four years, I write for Schick magazine (just to show that how you feel about yourself does not always have anything to do with your actual reality). I should be content and grateful because at the end of the day, I am quite lucky and so fortunate. I should. I should but many times I struggle to feel that way and find that place of gratitude. Gratitude is not natural. It has to be a conscious decision. But I have found that gratitude lasts longer when you work your way up to it. It doesn’t last that long when you abandon everything you are ACTUALLY feeling because you feel guilty and you feel you should be grateful. Instead of trying to feel how you think you should, admit your feelings in that moment, then take stock and adjust appropriately. Do this as many times as you need to in order to get to a place where it becomes easy and gratitude becomes the go to. 

So, it’s the beginning of spring and I think it is the perfect time to do a little spring cleaning and inventory. I guarantee you, that no matter who you are, there are a thousand things you have to be thankful for and there are thousand times your body and your mind have proved to you what you are capable of. It is just now left to you to remember those things when you feel overwhelmed or defeated. It is amazing to have the courage to be totally honest with yourself about where you are but it is more important to  take action and root for yourself when you figure who that is. Spring is the perfect time to clean out and ward off all the negative energy but it is also the perfect time to plant and put things in place in your life to bloom and manifest positive attributes.